My life after High School

After High school I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, who I was or where I was going.  I was a 17 year old girl with not a clue in the world.  I graduated on June 1st, 2001, I wasn't scared of the future, I was an immature teenager and hadn't really thought things through and didn't have a clue what life was about.

That summer I got a job working for Cutco selling knives.  It was the cheesiest job in the world, but I did good at it.  I knew 2 weeks into the job that it wasn't going to last, it wasn't for me and I needed to figure my life out.  I went in one day and quit.  I had no other job, NOTHING!

My Dad was upset with me, but he always was.  He wanted me to do better things with my life.  I decided I would join the Army, talked to a recruiter and everything.  I remember when I told my Mom, she cried.  I sat on it for a week and the day before I was to be sworn in, I backed out. 

Still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and summer was quickly leaving and I still had no job, but cleaning model homes and buildings at night which my parents had handed over to me.  I wasn't ready to go back to college and my Best Friend was going to be leaving to go to college in St George.  I was dating 3 different guys at the time, but nothing was serious.

My Family took off in August and went on a two week vacation to Mt Rushmore, deadwood and all those places.  We had a blast.  My Dad gave me a lecture about figuring out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be.

When I got back from vacation, I started dating a guy more serious and I was spending lots of time with him.  I was gone a lot and ignoring the fact that my Dad wanted me to go to school or get a full time job. 

The morning of September 11th, I was sleeping and thought I was dreaming.  I slept with my radio on and I woke up just before the second plane hit the second tower.  I ran upstairs to find my Dad sitting on the couch watching the news devastated.  He said "This isn't good!"  I still remember how I felt to this day as I watched the second plane hit.  It was sickening.  I remember my Dad and I picking my Mom up from work.  I remember going to the mall with my Grandma to return some jeans and the sick feeling in the world of not knowing what the future held.  It was that night that I knew I needed to figure it out.  The next week, I went on a job hunt, I applied at several temp agencies, on base and everywhere I could think.  My plan was to get a job that would help with school and go to college.  That was the plan.  Does it always work the way you plan?  Nope.

The last week in September I got a job with a temp agency working at Citi.  I would have this temp job for 6 weeks and hopefully find something permanent by the time it was over.  I loved my temp job at Citi, it was great.  I met new people and it was a Monday through Friday job. 

In November I turned 18, the day before Thanksgiving my temp job was up, they had kept us longer than 6 weeks.  They were hiring permanently and I had applied and gotten hired to start the day after my 18th birthday.  Everything was falling into place.  They would help with College, I would have a full time job and my life was going good. 

The problem was, I didn't know what I wanted to go to college for.  I honestly hadn't a clue. 

About two weeks into my job, one of the ladies I met advised me she wanted to hook me up with one of her friends.  She was in her 30s and I wasn't sure I wanted to date a guy that old.  As we got talking, I found out I went to school with the guy and we graduated the same year.  She advised me of his name and I looked him up in the year book.  At first I wasn't for it, I really thought he was a nerd and he drove me crazy in a class we had together.

We met up one night at my house where we talked for several hours just about life.  I still wasn't sure this would turn into a relationship.  He asked me out on a date that weekend, it was the weekend before Christmas and I agreed to go.  We went to comedy club and I had the time of my life.  I still wasn't sure it was turning into a relationship at the time though.  The next day he asked me to go out again and thats where it all began.  This guy was what I was wanting and having dated so many guys and them all being immature boys, I was done with that.  This guy opened the door for me, told me I was beautiful and he liked me for ME. 

We spent every day together, EVERYDAY.  At the end of January, he advised me that he put in paperwork for a mission.  I had no clue he was even thinking of going on a mission.  At first I was devastated.  I remember the thoughts that went through my head.  Will this work out?  Can I wait two years?  Will I convert to Mormon?  A couple weeks later I found out that his Mom wanted him to have NOTHING to do with me.  Since I wasn't LDS and she wanted her Son to marry an LDS girl.  I was devastated.  How could I let a guy have my heart and rip it to pieces?  Things were never the same between us.  He ended up getting his mission call in February to Honolulu Hawaii and left in May right after his Birthday.  Things weren't good between us the last couple of months before he left.  But the week that he left we had a good talk about things.  My heart was telling me that everything was going to work out, but my head was saying MOVE ON.  I truly loved this guy, I thought I would marry him and everything would work out. 

I ended up seeing him the night before he left and he said "Sierra, I'm not telling you good-bye, because I'll see you when I get back!"  I remember leaving and crying.  I called up one of my best guy friends and we went to Denny's and talked.  He made me feel better.  At this time I didn't think I'd ever talk to the missionary again.

I wasn't sure if I would write him while on his mission, but I ended up writing him a letter that night.  I wrote him religiously every single week.  And it took him about 2 months to write me the first letter due to the MTC and being in Hawaii.  Our conversations through mail were undescribable.   In October I decided I would convert to LDS and get baptized.  I went through missionary talks and all.  I committed to get baptized on December 21st, 2002 and my Best Friends Dad was going to baptize me.  The night before I got this sick feeling.  I prayed long and hard about it and I knew I was making the wrong decision.  I was going to convert for a guy and I knew that if I was only doing it to be accepted, it was for the the wrong reasons.  So I cancelled, but still went to church.

It was the day after Christmas when I got an answer to my prayer about my relationship with this missionary.  I knew his family hated me and for the wrong reasons.  I knew that things would never be okay and I wasn't willing to put myself or him through it anymore.  So I sat down and wrote him a long long letter.  I told him he would always be in my heart, that the girl who married him would be lucky, that I wished him the best, but that the right thing to do was say good-bye.  I said if things are meant to be, then later on, we'll be together, but if they aren't, then we'll find other people.  It was the hardest thing I had to do at the young age of 19, but I knew it was the right thing. 

I told my Mom and Dad to throw all letters away from him.  I didn't want to deal with it and that I was moving on.  I boxed up all pictures, tore down my count down calendar and went on my way.

It was in January that I seen Bob like 3 different times while at work.  I hadn't dated anyone since "the letter", I was still kind of sick about the whole situation.

When I seen Bob, I thought he was maybe 3 years older and later found out he was 10 years older and had kids.  I never once imagined things would go where they did with Bob.  He asked for my phone number, my friend at the time gave it to him.  We talked for several hours one night, he asked me out that weekend and I agreed to go. 

We went to Park City on our first date.  I realized Bob was a gentlemen.  What I hated was that he smoked.  I never wanted to be with someone that smoked, I thought it was and still think it is the most disgusting thing in the world.  We had the best first date going to the Sundance Film Festival, we ran in to Forrest Witicker (SP?) and ate at this pizza place that was amazing.  We later drove down to Salt Lake and he asked if we could go to the car show and I agreed.  I found my heart healing at this moment.  I never thought I would find someone that would make me happy again.  But Bob made me laugh and smile and he truly cared about ME from the moment I met him.  I told him about "the other guy" and what had happened.  I told him how I was afraid of falling in love again.  But Bob made me feel different.  Eventually I told him how much I hated smoking and that if our relationship was going somewhere he would have to quit.  Bob agreed and I knew at that moment, he was "THE ONE". 

In March of 2003, I moved out of my parents house after a big fight with my Dad and into Bob's house.  He proposed to me a couple of weeks later and we set the date for September 6th, 2003.  I never ever thought I would live with a guy before being married.  I, to this day, do NOT agree with it.  But I did, I lived in sin and I wouldn't take it back.  It made me who I am today.  I learned a lot about myself and Bob and we learned a lot about each other.  Would I recommend it to my kids?  NOPE, I wouldn't! 

In August, I got really really really sick, I was going to the doctor every single day.  They were running bloodwork and everything, but nothing was showing anything.  I was so sick, I was losing weight and I was getting married in a month.  On August 11th, I got super sick and ended up in the ER, I hadn't been able to hold anything down for over 24 hours and Bob was super concerned.  I don't remember much about the ER, other than when they did my IV, blood went flying everywhere.  It was determined later in the day that I needed to have my gallbladder out and they scheduled surgery for 2 days later.

I was completely freaked at the thought of having surgery a couple of weeks before my wedding, but I had no choice.  I had surgery on August 13th at 7am in the morning.  The surgery was suppose to be outpatient, but I couldn't recover from surgery and couldn't quit throwing up and spent the night in the hospital.  It was hard to recover and I spent the next week in bed trying to recover.  The one thing that I noticed during this time is that Bob never left my side.  He was right there every step of the way.  I knew at that time that I was making the right decision to marry Bob. 

And then our lives began, on September 6th, 2003 at 5pm, we got married at Layton Park and our lives have forever been changed. 

Bob tells me weekly that I saved his life and that there is a reason that everything happened like it did.  He would've never gone to the hospital three years ago to have his heart checked out and would've eventually died from a massive heart attack. 

Bob and I are not perfect, but we've learned a lot about life.  Growing up I was selfish, insecure and not sure about life.  Now, I live everyday as if its my last and I cherish my time with my kids and Husband.  I feel like certain roads are chosen for a reason, you have to go through the hard times to truly cherish the good times.  Had I married "the other guy" where would I be today?  I might be divorced, I might not have been, but I don't regret my decisions one bit.

Lately, I've been struggling with friendships.  What a friendship means to me doesn't always mean the same for another person.  I've had to learn that the only thing that matters is FAMILY and thats what I need to focus on.

So thats my story, noted for my kids most of all, but thought it would be fun to share.  Its a bit all over the place, but thats life...right?