Sunday, September 22, 2013

Family pictures

This is the one day I look forward to alllllllllllll year.  I know I'm weird, but when I look back at my family pictures, I can't help but smile.

I love everything about this day, planning outfits, seeing my kids and us all matching, the smiles, the tears, the not listening and just the feeling overall.


We've had a lot going on with Jaxon, between trying to get him the right diagnosis to trying to figure out how to cope with whats going on with him. 

I've cried many tears wondering where I went wrong, what things I could've done to make Jaxon's life a little easier.  He has been through so much in his 9 years of life.  I have watched him grow up immensely in the last 9 months.  He went from having Grandma and Grandpa every morning and when he got home from school to being the one who gets him and his brother out the door in the morning.  I give all the credit to my two boys who have done this all with very little problems and minor problems at that.

We've been struggling with Jaxon this school year.  I've had many sleepless nights worrying about what to do for him.  I hate seeing my kids struggle and the fact that Jaxon didn't want to go to school every day broke my heart.  I've also seen how much this move has affected him when I thought it really didn't.  He is a lot more aware of what is going on than I thought.  He asks a lot of questions...Are we going to be here forever?  Will we go home to Utah again?  Why are we here?  Can Grandma and Grandpa move back?  And many more questions.  I wish I could honestly answer them all, but the truth is, that I can't.  I sometimes wonder myself why we are here.  The last year is such a blur, what was I thinking when I decided to move here?  Did I not see the big picture?

My heart breaks watching Jaxon talk about Utah.  He knows that that is where we belong, but he just can't say it.  He is having a hard time adjusting to being here and so am I.

One day will have this figured out, but the one thing I can promise is that I haven't given up and that my love for you will never ever go away Jaxon.

9 months

This last month has been hard for me.  Not sure if its the weather changing (which isn't much in Texas), the fact that the Holidays are fast approaching or the fact that we can't seem to find a new normal.  The pain of missing home just gets harder and harder.  I look at everything my parents are missing and everything I'm missing at home and my heart aches.  If only I had known how hard it would be. 

We have really good days and we have really bad days.  I try to take it one day at a time.  When we first talked about moving, we said we'd do this for awhile, but now my heart is set on going home and I just keep praying some miracle will come and we'll be able to pack up and head back to Utah. 

My kids miss home, I miss home, Bob misses home and home I think is where we belong, we don't fit in here.

The one thing I can say is that in the last 9 months my faith has strengthened so much, my relationship with the Lord is stronger than its ever been.  I realize NOW how much I need him in my life everyday.  He is the only reason that I've made it through this and haven't had to be admitted to a psych ward.  I've also watch my kids relationships with the God grow, I love hearing them talk about church and I love that they take in everything.

I've been attending a Women's Bible study for 2 weeks now, its the best medicine in this world and honestly I think God knew I needed this at this time in my life.  Its been so refreshing to know that I am, indeed, not alone.  Everyone has the day to day struggles of running a family and trying to figure it out. 

I'm not sure where God is going to lead us, I just know that I'm not giving up and if is home is where I'm suppose to be by the end of the year, then I'll be there, but if its not until next year, then I'll be patient and know that its all for a reason. 

Monday, September 9, 2013

Our 10th Anniversary

Bob and I didn't plan anything big for our 10 year anniversary.  With moving to Texas things are so different.  We both took the day off and just planned to spend time together.  We got up, went to breakfast at Starbucks, went and walked around the mall, grocery shopped and then headed to my Grandparents to drop Lex off as they were going to keep the kids for the night.

Bob and I decided last minute to head to Oklahoma to the Casino up there.  Winstar World Casino.  We have only seen it from the outside, not the inside.  I was quite impressed.  It was huge and the 45 mins we were there was a blast.

We walked in and found us a penny machine, sat down and played.  Bob watched me for a bit.  In the first 5 mins I won 286.70.  I was thrilled.

I was ready to leave at that point and run with my money.  Bob had stuck his money in to play.  I look over after just cashing out mine and see he has "high pay" on his winnings.  Bob and I do NOT gamble, so we had no clue what that meant.  But I push the "Collect Winnings" button.
And it says to call attendant, jack pot winner.  I couldn't believe it, Bob won 2195.00 and we had only been there 15 mins at the most.  We both got all happy and couldn't believe what had happened.

Needless to say, we took our money and RAN....who wouldn't.  We had the time of our lives.
I realized, not because I won money, but because I had prayed allllll week for a miracle and God knew we needed this money to get by. 

Labor Day Weekend

We haven't done a whole lot lately.  Money and feeling homesick have kept us from going on adventures.

Labor Day weekend was pretty relaxing and good.  We grilled, went to Grapevine Lake, did a puzzle, went to a park in downtown Fort Worth and just watched movies.  Nothing extreme.

Cowboys game

I bought tickets back in July to the Dallas Cowboys game.  I've been looking forward to it for 2 solid months now.  I've never been to a professional football game, so I was looking forward to it and a little nervous.

A few things I learned:

*Going to a game during rush hour is a complete NIGHTMARE.

*Its EXPENSIVE to park, anywhere from  $30 and UP.  Expensive

*You will more than likely pay more to park than you did for your tickets for preseason

*Professional games have expensive, but GREAT tasting food.  Probably the best nachos we ever had, not sure if it was because they cost 11.00 a piece or if they were truly good. 

*It doesn't matter where you sit, you can have a good time, especially at Jerry's World.

*People watching at games is just as great as people watching at the airport.

We had so much fun and I can't wait to go again.

The stadium is AMAZING.  Love every single minute of it.