Strength

Today, I feel good. I feel optimistic, determined and overwhelmed with positive energy. It could be that I got 6 hrs of sleep instead of 2-4 hrs. I feel that no matter the outcome EVERYTHING is going to okay, I will be fine and I will overcome this all.

And part of the reason is because I have these 3 kids to keep me going. I have kept my emotions together in front of them, I haven't said anything to them. I don't want their world to be flipped over, I want to continue on as normal.

I only had one scare today. I hate when a doctors office says "We won't call you unless something is wrong!" Well I left my desk for 10 mins and came back to a missed call from the doctors office. My heart sank and honestly I wasn't sure I wanted to call them back, but I did. It was my blood work that had came back. They tested everything, thyroid, Mono, infection and a whole bunch of other stuff. Everything was GREAT and I felt a big weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I just have to face next week, but I am ready, ready to have it over with and life back to somewhat normal hopefully.

"FAITH is the very first thing you should pack in your HOPE chest"

And so it begins...

THE WAITING....Now that I have myself calmed down for the most part, I can write about today.

I had a ultrasound and mammogram done today. I was impressed with how well I was treated and how much I liked the radiologist and nurse. I went back about 11:30 and had my ultrasound and then met with the radiologist who said he did want to do a mammogram and the kind. The mammogram was horrible, it seemed like it lasted FOREVER!! After that I met right with the radiologist who advised that if my cyst was 2 inches down he would 100% confirm it as breast cancer, but he isn't saying its not still and wants to do a biopsy. So I will go in bright and shiny on Monday morning for a biopsy of it and then I have to wait until Wednesday/Thursday for results. Its going to be the longest week of my life. The radiologist reassured me that he thinks we have caught it in time. He said that he is confident that I will be okay. My struggle is getting to that okay and what I will have to go through. I am upset. I couldn't catch my breathe at first and I think it SUCKS. But I know that I have a STRONG support group who will get me through this. So if I want to cry, I am going too, sometimes its the only thing that makes you feel better. And if everything turns out okay, then I will count it as another blessing in my life.

P.S. Thanks for all the comments on my last post, you girls are AWESOME!!

A bump in the road...

This is my blog right? Its my journal, my life, my ups and my downs. I hate that this post has to be down, but how else will I get my feelings across. I am sorry friends.

So here it is, me pouring my heart out, me asking God why? Me begging with God to please let me have a break.

On Sunday I had this weird feeling under my arm, I got to feeling around and found a lump. At first I thought nothing and then the more I felt it, the more worried I got. I called my sister, she said to get it checked and not to wait for my OB appt in June. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the doctors, NOT the doctors themselves, but going to the doctor? But Bob and I promised each other after his surgery that we wouldn't wait on things that may end up being something bad. And I am keeping true to my promise. I made an appt first thing when my OB office opened. But I didn't get to see my doctor. I went to the doctor where the doctor explained that she thought it may be breast related and that it may be cancer. I hate that word. My biggest fear is cancer. I left the office in tears, how could it be, I am 27 years old. I take care of myself, I do my yearly's, I do breast exams and I feel good most of the time. But I am sure thats the question everyone has, it doesn't matter if your 27, 34, 44, 50 or any number. It doesn't matter if you take care of yourself or anything. It happens, unfortunately more often than it should. I called my Husband who wasn't able to make it to the appointment with me and told them what they said, this of course was after blood tests and scheduling of a indepth ultrasound and mammogram. He said "Sierra, I don't know what to say!" And I said "Me either Bob, I am just asking why!"

So tomorrow it begins, my bump in the road to see what is going on, what is happening, if anything is happening and whether or not my life is going to take a turn for the worse or not. I am scared, I am anxious to have it over and all I can do is cry. But the crying is different, I am crying for my kids, my Husband, my family and wondering how this is all going to go down. I don't know details yet, I don't know anything, but what I do know is I am trying to prepare myself for the worse and hoping for the best. But I have this feeling, the same feeling I had when I knew Bob was sick, the one that made me go to his echo appt when I wasn't going to go in the first place. I have that feeling again. But the feeling is that something is wrong, but I will be okay in the long run.

So I guess my reason for this post is to ask for prayers, mostly for strength, I need that more than anything. I hate the unknown, I hate not having a plan, I am a planning person. Bob said tonite at the table "Sierra, its just another bump in the road and we'll get over it together." I remember being the person telling him this, I remember telling him that I wouldn't give up or let him give up and now he is telling me.

Easter Part 4: Grandma's House

I am bad, I have no pictures of Easter dinner...sadly! Just know it was way yummy!

What Grandma and Grandpa got them, more candy, just what they need.

And we spent some time blowing bubbles, chasing bubbles and spilling bubbles (ASHTON). And as you can tell by the last picture, Lexi is a Grandpa's girl, oops, I mean Papa's girl!!

Hope everyone had a Happy Easter and hopefully SPRING will arrive in Utah shortly.

Easter Part 3: Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny came, he sure did!

Looking over their stash, Lexi wasn't sure what to do at this point, but she had a permanent smile on her face.

Jaxon got a bunch of candy, a shovel, a bucket, silly putty, a frisbee, bubbles and a ball game.

Ashton got a bunch of candy, a shovel, a bucket, silly putty, a frisbee, bubbles and a ball game.

Lexi got a bunch of candy, a shovel, a bucket, some hair things, a frisbee and bubbles.

Lexi's hair all curly.

Easter Part 2: Egg Hunt

We hunted eggs out at Antelope Island, it was beautiful out there today, the wind wasn't blowing and there were NO BUGS!!!

Lexi caught right on to hunting eggs and ended up with more than the older kids. We took my Best Friend Lindsey and her two kids with us. Her Husband is out of town for work and she had never been out there. After hunting eggs we ate hot dogs and then climb more rocks.

Easter Part 1: Coloring Eggs

I love this. Jax set up the coloring stuff. He had blue in green, orange in blue, green in pink, pink in orange and yellow in yellow. But I liked it, because he did it.

My boys had ZERO interest in coloring eggs, Jax liked it for about 10 minutes and then playing outside was better. Ashton said it was boring and that he would rather crack eggs on heads. Yes, I have TWO busy BOYS!!!

Jax wrote his name on one egg and then hit the road...Ashton was already gone at this point.

They left Grandma and Lex to handle it all....

Oh wait, just kidding, they stuck around long enough for me to snap a few more pics while Lexi dipped her fingers in food coloring and then licked them...

She also licked the egg, stared at it, carried it around the house and then cracked it, brought it back to us and told us YUCK!!!

We had fun and you notice I didn't edit her nose, memories I guess and it looks TONS better. Glad she is healing just fine.