Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Being a step-parent

I feel I need to shine some light on why my step children ARE not really a part of my blog. I don't want people thinking I am an evil step Mom, because I am NOT.

This may be long, but its good to write out how I feel and hopefully one day my step children can read and understand my point.

I met Bob when his kids were 2 and 3, they are now 11 and 12. I had a perfect relationship with his kids. We did everything with them, I took them for pictures, they would come over when Bob was gone and they were my life.

In November 2003 I found I was pregnant, I was excited, I always dreamed of having my own kids. Bob's ex found I was pregnant not too long after and things started to change, she got nasty with me, starting turning her kids toward me and everything. It hurt bad. To protect myself and my kids, I kind of distanced myself. I hated the fact that 10 mins after Bob's kids left on Sunday, Bob would get a phone call about something I did or said. It got really out of control. Things tapered off for awhile and then I got pregnant with Ashton and all everything went SOUTH. I was the most evil person on earth and she wanted her kids to have NOTHING to do with Bob or I. She made the decision to quit letting the kids come to our house, she said it was best if they stayed away. She didn't like the fact that I wouldn't let her son play video games at my house 24/7. I don't believe in letting your kids sit in front of a TV for 20 hrs out of the day or letting them fall asleep at 3am in the morning because they can't quit playing their game. I voiced my opinion on it and she didn't like it. I was really hurt during this time. I wanted Kaden and Avery to be in my kids life, but Kaden started getting violent and his Mom didn't want to hear it. This is when I stepped in and told BOb that maybe it was best that his kids didn't come over every other weekend. So we moved out of our old house and in with my parents, we seen Bob's kids once the entire 3 months we lived there. We moved into our house in December 2007 and didn't see them until March 2008, they didn't even come over Christmas eve. Its been this way the last 3 years, I can probably name all the times they have been over on both hands. Its sad, it hurts and its plain wrong that their Mom allows it. I realized that instead of fighting with Bob about his kids that I just had to let it play out. I don't say anything about it, I don't ask about or anything. But I know Bob is hurting on the inside not seeing his kids. He hasn't seen his older daughter since February.

Well this past weekend things got out of control when Bob's son advised me that I am stupid, an evil step Mom and that I am immature, all for NO REASON AT ALL and even better ON FACEBOOK. I have to say I am completely shocked by this, because in all honesty, I haven't done anything to him.

So my point to this whole post, being a step parent is challenging, it is hard, it is NOT EASY at all and I would never do it again. I have struggled so much with this and I can't figure out what I have done to make him call me all those names, it hurts badly and I wish that he would grow up and realize that I am not perfect, there isn't a book out there on how to raise step children, I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I am HUMAN.

So I have had to make my life personal, because I feel there may be jealously and I don't want my life to be a reason for him to bash me, because what I do with my kids is how I choose to raise them and I am sorry that his Mom doesn't do things with him, I wish she did. I am not his Mom, I can't replace his Mom and I can't change what his Mom does. I won't bash her, because I don't believe thats right, but I AM NOT HIS MOM!!


The Felds said...

Wow. What a heart wrenching post. I had no idea Bob was married before and he had children. It makes sense as to why you would want to make your blog private. I'm sorry it's stressful to deal with - I know you are strong and can get through anything :)

Thiago & Teri said...

that must be so hard...for you and Bob. I can't even imagine. For what its worth, I think you are an amazing mom and I feel bad that those kids don't get to witness that. You are the best and let no one tell you otherwise.

hey if you go private I want

Eric and Jenny said...

Oh I am sorry, I didn't even know Bob had two other kids. This must be such a hard thing to deal with. I have a friend who is dealing with the same thing right now, in fact they just signed away all rights to the kids because the ex wife was crazy! I can't imagine how bad this must hurt you and Bob.

So sorry friend....