Sierra, Bob, Jaxon, Ashton & Alexia: Struggling

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Struggling

I can't tell if this emotional stuff is because I just had a baby or not, but I am struggling so bad. I don't ever remember feeling this way with Jaxon and Ashton, maybe it was because they were there with me and I could touch them and feed them and love them. This has been a whole new experience and I hate it! I finally sat down with the neonatologist today to ask them what was wrong with her, I guess I didn't have my self prepared for what was going to be told. WOW!! I was told that Lexi wasn't breathing so they had to excubate (not sure that is the right word), but basically they had to help her breathe. They also said that they had to give her some drug because she stopped breathing. This is the hardest thing ever, it makes me wonder how people do it and now I look up to these people more than they will ever know. I know that Lexi is NOT the sickest baby in the NICU and I know that with time she will get better. But I never imagined carrying a baby for almost nine months, delivering her and leaving the hospital without her. But I guess I have to come to grips with the fact that it is going to happen and it will be for the best. Okay! Enough of my pitty party!!!

Lexi really is doing good, of course feedings did not go as expected, but I am not one to give up and neither will she. We will try again and eventually it will work out for the best. She is down to 5lbs 15oz, but still cute as ever and I love her more and more each time I see her. She will more than likely be here after I go home, I guess its better for me to think that way then to assume she will go home with me. Its hard, but I realize that I need to bring her home healthy and happy!

My boys still haven't gotten to see her, other than pictures, it sucks, but I understand that too. Jaxon keeps telling me that he just really wants to see her, soon enough and I cannot wait to see what they say and how they react. I miss my boys so much, its one of the hardest things about being here also, I feel lost without them, but I know they are being taken care of very well and spoiled rotten. They both got a haircut, Ash looks so grown up now and they both got new shoes that they are loving. Thanks Mom and everyone else for taking such good care of them and loving them while I stay in the hospital.

2 comments:

Eric and Jenny said...: Oh friend I know those struggles, it's hard not to get discouraged and think why me. It was a very hard day for me leaving the hospital with no cute baby by my side, I won't lie I think I cried all night long. I will tell you what I continued to tell myself that seemed to help the most. I would remind myself that I should still be pregnant and I wouldn't be holding a baby yet anyway. I tried to see it as a blessing that at least I was able to touch and look at my baby and soon enough I would hold them in my arms. It didn't always work and I would get discouraged but just keep telling yourself that. Let me know if I can help in anyway, sometimes for me it is just a relief to talk to someone who has been there and understands because really nobody does until they have lived it.; May 15, 2009 at 1:02 PM
Jamie said...: She is beautiful. I know what you mean by hating the NICU.It was hard and I hated the nurses telling you onething then another. FRUSTRATING!! I will keep my fingers crossed for your family!; May 24, 2009 at 5:20 PM

Leaning on Faith....

In July 2009 my Husband was diagnosed with Tetrology of Fallot, something that should've been taken care of as a child. But a miracle happened and he made it this long. He had open heart surgery on July 17th, 2009 and today, he is the healthiest he has ever been.

In September our little girl was diagnosed with Pulmonary Stenosis with a PDA and PFO. Right now she is being watched by Primary Childrens until things get worse or better. We are praying for the best.

On March 24th, 2010 we found out that our little girls heart healed on its own. We have found that miracles do happen and prayers do work. We feel blessed and happy, but couldn't have done it without all the wonderful people who prayed for us and cared.

Alexia Marisa Clemments

Born: May 13th, 2009 at 12:14am

Weighed: 6lbs 8oz (she was born at 34 weeks gestation)

Favorite Color: Pink & Purple

Favorite thing to do: Play with her babies, Dora, follow her brothers around and play outside.

Lexi was born premmaturely, but you would never know. She is doing everything her age group does and more. She is truly a miracle and God blessed us with this little girl for a reason. She has brought so much joy and happiness to our lives. She loves both her brothers and follows them everywhere.