Sunday, March 24, 2013

I miss ME

This last week was hard for me.  It was hard for me to be happy, hard to smile and hard NOT to cry.  I miss home.  I miss my family and friends like crazy, its indescribable.  I wanted to pack up and drive home. 

Why?  Why do I feel this way? 

Is it because my family was just here?

Is it because I haven't met very many people?

Is it because I was sick and well when your sick, you're emotional?

Or is this just normal to feel this way?

Its been almost 3 months since I've been gone, but it feels like an eternity.  I feel like I haven't seen my Dad or my Best Friend Misty or my co-workers in Utah in FOREVER.  I hate this feelings, its horrible, its exhausting, it leaves your mind racing, its just not fun at all.

And then the sad thing is, I don't miss Utah AT ALL, I hated Utah, I was unhappy with Utah, I didn't want to stay in Utah.  But I want everything in Utah, I want my house, my family, my friends and everything that surrounded me.  I want the comfort of knowing everything, the comfort of knowing my kids were okay, that's what I want.

Everyone I talk to says this is normal, I like to think it is too.  But some days I wonder. 

I couldn't even clear my mind enough to think last week at work.  I'm never like that ever.

So this week, I'm focusing on finding out what I need to do to be happy.  My boys are leaving for the ocean on Wednesday, and although I'll miss them like crazy and I'm super jealous, this will give me time to think about where I'm headed and what I need to do feel somewhat normal.  The good news is that my friend from work is moving here in less than a month and I love his Wife and I think we could help each other a TON.  So I'm looking forward to that a ton.

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