Worries

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about things.  My worries, my fears and just life in general.  Last week a scary incident happened at my kids school, the principal called and warned all parents and my stomach became sick.  You hear about incidents on the news, but when they happen close to home it's gut wrenching.  All I wanted to do is pick my babies up and hold them, that's it.  But I held it together while at work, picked them up, hugged them and told them how much they meant to me.  Then we talked safety and about strangers.  While I did this, I thought about my childhood, about how walking home seemed safe, going to the mall was safe and now this world is sick, then I think that maybe I was just oblivious to it.

My next worry or maybe not really a worry, but I've been feeling sad about it.  Jaxon does NOT want to dress up for Halloween, at first I thought he was kidding, but I keep asking, got online to find him something and he is NOT having it.  It makes me sad.  He is 8 and thats young to me.  He says he doesn't NEED candy and that its boring.  He would rather just pass it out.  How do you handle that?  I haven't figured it out.  I ask him almost everyday and I feel bad that I am nagging him about it, but it makes me super sad.  I'm not ready for my oldest to not want to do these things.  He has also brought up the whole Santa thing, I stick with the "If you STOP Believing, he STOPS coming!"  Its seemed to work, but for how much longer?  Why do kids grow up so fast, why do we have to send them into this crazy world?  Why do we have to worry about who their friends will be?  Who will influence them?  What path they'll go down?  How people will treat them and even how they'll treat others?

Somedays being a parent is exhausting and then I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Just some thoughts consuming my brain these days.