Three days ago I was packing up my house and I was going to move to Texas, I was going to leave what I have known for the last 20 years behind and start something new. But as I got thinking and praying, I wasn't getting the assurance I needed or the answers I wanted to hear. I put TWO whole days into figuring out how much it would cost, what it would take to move, where to live, how to do this and most importantly how to tell my Mom. When I called my Sister on Friday to tell her, I didn't get the response I thought I would she said "You have to do what is best for you!", but then she said something that got me thinking "I will miss out on my Nephews and Niece growing up and that will be sad!" I'm not ready to move my kids away from what they know, I'm not ready to start over, because the cheapest rent down there for a nice 4 bedroom 2 bath is $1500.00 a month and I pay less than $900.00 for my mortgage. I'm not ready to walk away from the house that we've made a home for the last 5 years, I'm not ready to leave my family and not know what the future holds. Right now, I know things will work out, I know I am being watched out for, I know that my prayers are being answered, maybe not the way I want them to be, but just how they need to be.
I've done a lot of crying, thinking and praying. I've also been extremely angry. I can't figure out why this happened to me, I can't figure out if its just my LUCK or if there is something more.
I'm facing a lot this week, a lot of questions, alot to think about and do. But I know in the end it will all work out. IT JUST HAS TOO!!!