Leaving on a Jet Plane

Wow, now that I've gotten today partially over with, I can breathe a little better.

I've been stressing about Jax leaving for the last two weeks and everything went smooth minus the losing my Airport Parking Ticket and being charged 28.00 for being there for 3hrs.  Yeah, I feel ripped off, no worries!!

Jaxon has been counting down the days since he found out he was going.  I wasn't sure how it was going to go for me, I was worried, excited for him and wasn't sure about the whole flying alone thing.  I cried like a baby when he ran up that ramp to board his plane and I cried until I finally got to my car where I said a prayer for my baby and felt a sense of relief.  I know, I should've done it sooner.

I know, I look horrible, but I didn't sleep but two hours last night.  A Mom's job is to worry about her kids right, well I did that....ALL NIGHT!!!  At the same time, I was so excited for Jaxon to experience this, I can't wait to talk about the memories.

This is what I have embedded in my head, my cute grown up boy who once needed me for EVERYTHING and now he is so independent that it scares me.

His plane backing out.  Flight 1506, first stop (but no plane switch) Denver, then to Amarillo (No plane switch) and then onto Dallas Texas where he will be for the next 34 days.

A couple of things to remember from this day.

*Ash saying goodbye to his brother this morning and all of sudden he bursts into tears so bad that I get teary eyed.  I said "Whats wrong Ash?"  He said "I'm going to miss my brother so much, who is going to play cars with me?"  I love that he is going to miss his brother, it means that their relationship is closer than what they think.

*Jax gave me a huge hug at the terminal and said "Tell Ash I love him and that I'll be back!"  Seriously, melt my heart again.  What eight year old boarding a plane for FUN remembers that?  MY BOY and I am so proud of him.

*My Grandma called me as soon as she had him.  She said that a lady came up to her and my Grandpa and asked them if they were waiting for Jaxon, they said Yes and she said that Jaxon was a perfect example of a unaccompanied minor and that she sat next to him the whole 4 hrs and 45 mins and he was amazing.  Made me feel 20 times better.

I want the next 34 days to fly by, but then I don't, if that makes sense.  I want him to remember this always.

Love my BOY!!

Pool Fun #1

I'm sure by August you'll be sick of hearing about the pool fun we are having, but it'll be fun to look back at the memories.

We absolutely LOVE the pool, yesterday was the first day no one got in it, its because we had a BUSY schedule.

Here are some pics from this past week:

The boys are in heaven, the sit on the side and jump off into the pool.  They love it.

And that my friends is SUMMER FUN!!!

3 years

It was three years ago today that our lives changed forever.  Sometimes I sit back and think about what we went through in those two months after Bob was diagnosed and I wonder how we made it.  I found the perfect quote on Pinterest though.

I think this totally fits everything from that year.  The year that looking back now I think changed my life for the better.  Although I would've never said that in 2009, I do believe it today.  Things happen in life for a reason and how you choose to handle them is what matters.  I would never wish what happened to Bob and I on anyone.  I would never want someone to have to be sick to their stomach, not eat, not sleep for a year straight knowing that your Husband could die at any minute.  Never EVER would I wish it on someone.

This day 3 years ago, I walked into a room not thinking anything at all and left feeling hurt, sick, sad and worried for my future.  Bob basically said "Sierra, if my life is over, it is and there is nothing I can do about that, this is all in Gods hands!"  At that time I couldn't believe he would say something like that to me, I couldn't believe my Husband was telling me that it was okay for him to die.  But I see what he meant today.  When you are told your going to die or your spouse is going to die, there is nothing that can make it better.  I don't think I slept for two months straight.  I kept thinking how my life was going to play out, how our life was going to play out, what I would do without my Husband, the Man I married and planned to spend the rest of my life with. 

And today, we are stronger, have a better outlook on life, we don't take the small things for granted, we work hard for what we have and we have worked VERY HARD to be where we are today.  We went from the not knowing what the future would bring to happier today than we ever have been.

I've learned a lot along the way, not to judge others, I was arrogant, didn't really understand why people did things they did or got into situations they did.  I learned a huge lesson about preparing for your future.  I learned that the smallest things are the greatest blessings.  I learned your life can change in a blink of an eye.  I've learned who my true friends are and I've gained many a long the way. 

We have a accomplished a lot in the last year and I am proud of where we are.  I wouldn't change anything, because everything happens for a reason.  I can't believe its been 3 years, life moves so quickly.

Life Lately

Life is a little crazy lately, lots of stuff going on, little time to keep up with blogging and schedules are crazy.

So here are a few updates:

Bob bought a truck, we have been looking for a truck for 3 months now and this baby came home with us on Friday.  She is NOT gorgeous at all, but we weren't looking for a brand new truck.  Its a 1991 Ford F250 and Bob is THRILLED to say the least.  As we speak, he is outside staring at her.  Something about guys and a TRUCK.

Boys got birthday money, I told them they couldn't waste it on stupid toys, I'm so sick of seeing toys in their rooms that they don't play with.  So they put their money together and we bought a pool, we did this two weeks ago, Bob set up the pool and it had a hole in it.  I got online (I should've done that first) and the ratings were horrible, so we returned the first one and called it good, while I researched which one to get.  So yesterday we purchased the pool and filled it up and played for hours.  It is definately worth the money that Bob and I pitched in to help them make the purchase.  We will spend lots and lots of hours in this thing.

Next, I'm sending this big guy off to Texas for a month.  My Grandpa called me yesterday and asked if Jax could come down for a month.  I thought hard about it and told them yes.  It was crazy, I had to cancel pictures, dentist appts and other things, but the time and memories will be well worth it.  Jax will be leaving next Wednesday the 27th and will not return until July 31st.  I know I am going to miss him like crazy, but he will be SPOILED ROTTEN and I can't wait to hear all about it.

Our lives are a little crazy, Bob's in school full time and we leave work, I drop him off, get the kids, wait 3 hrs, pick him up and come back home.  This means I have to prepare and cook the dinner (which if you know me, I DO NOT COOK).  Its been a very interesting month so far.  But we have survived, hopefully next month, he doesn't have this crazy schedule, I honestly miss family dinners and his cooking.

So thats our life in a nutshell.  I promise I'll have real pictures soon.

Dear Ashton,

I remember it just like it was yesterday holding you in the NICU transfer area where they wait to see if they're going to transfer you to the NICU or the floor and seeing those beautiful eyes look at me for the first time.  You instantly melted my heart and made all my worries of loving another child as much as my first go away.

I remember how you hated to sleep in the dark and I would be awake all night rocking you, I think now I took those nights for granted, I miss them so badly. 

I remember your first smile and giggle and how you lit up when I walked in the room.

I remember holding you screaming in the ER while the doctors were putting an IV in you because you were dehydrated and lethargic due to throwing up all day.

I remember the first time you talked and how you haven't stopped since then.

I remember the first time you road your bike with no training wheels and how excited you were, no one was going to stop you.

I remember when you potty trained yourself and how it just happened over night, seems like it was yesterday also.

I remember the nights when you have bad dreams and how you come running to me and just want to be held and how sweet it feels that you need me.

I love that you are deteremined to never give up, that you are stubborn and have to learn the hard way.  You are like your Grandma in so many ways, yet I see myself in you more and more.  You love your family, they mean a lot to you, but you speak your opinion freely.

I love that you got so excited over losing a tooth that you have had a permanent smile on your face for the last 4 days. 

Oh what I wouldn't do for you my boy, I would walk on water over and over again.  Out of all the three, you scare me the most, I think its because you are not afraid to do anything.  I worry about who you talk to, who your friends are, what you will surround yourself with and what you might get caught up in. 

So please my boy, promise Mommy that you'll remember the things I've taught you and told you.  That'll you remember what I want for you in life and that is the BEST. 

Reach for the stars Ash, I know you'll do great things.

Happy 6th Birthday my baby boy!

I love you to the MOON and back over and over and over again,

Love always,

Mommy

The last SIX years

Ashton has waited FOREVER he says to turn SIX.  Why does SIX all the sudden seem so old.  When Lex is six, Jax will be going to Junior High, how creepy that is to even think that.

Here is Ashton the last six years, I love looking back, its my favorite thing to do:

Ashton by far was my hardest baby, he had acid reflux bad and I think we spent more time trying to figure out how to keep milk down him than anything, we finally ended up on the most expensive formula that is $40.00 for a small can, not the big can.  It ended up working and he grew out of the reflux, but boy was it a hard time.

He spent the first night in the NICU because he had fluid in his lungs.  He always wanted to be held and snuggled, which I loved.

It seems like he grew up extremely fast though.  Its hard for me to remember him being so small (well not really that small) and a baby.

I love his pure blond curly hair and to this day I still MISS it.  I never wanted to cut his hair and when I did, I regretted it.

Ashton is a free spirit, always on the go and never stops for one minute.  He enjoys life way too much!!

We always say we know where Ashton sits at the dinner table or where he has been, because he ALWAYS makes a mess of anything and everything.

Ashton still has the same personality, he likes to test your patience and has to learn everything the hard way.

This has been a huge year for Ashton, starting school, losing teeth and now moving on to school all day.  I can't believe how much more grown up he is, than just 6 months ago.

And thats my Ash, the last SIX years.  Now STOP growing up!!