Park Fun

Well we finally were able to escape to the park yesterday. WOO HOO!!!!

Lexi went down the slide by herself and that freaked me out, so then she went with her brother and she loved it. She also loved the dirt. I hate the park, because kids are rude and disgusting, they like to throw dirt on the slides, pee in the rocks and say naughty things. But my kids love it, so I let them go.

Lexi's sedated echo is a week from tomorrow. I am nervous, anxious, scared and if I could would probably spend the next week crying. But I won't, I have to be strong and its just getting through this that will get us answers to our questions. I just wish it was easier, I wish the pain from everything I experienced with Bob would go away, I still have nightmares, I still lose sleep and I still worry that something is going to be wrong. Even if everything is okay, I will still worry and while other may not understand, its hard! I have never hurt so bad in my life. I have never been so scared for my family, never wanted someone to wrap their arms around me so tightly and tell me its going to be okay. I hate that I went through what I did, I hate that people don't understand how hard it is for and I hate that everyday I worry about it all. Words are undescribable as now I get to watch my little girl go through all the things my Husband went through. There are kids everyday going through this and I ask, how do you mothers do it? I know I will have no choice, but to pray to my Father above that everything works out and to give me the strength to get through this. I know I am stronger than I lead myself to believe and I know that things happen for a reason, what I don't know is why they happen.

Lexi goes in at 2:30pm, its going to be a long day, because there is no food after 8am, we have to be there are 1:30pm and its going to be a long day.