Thursday, July 25, 2013


Sometimes I just sit and wonder how I got where I am. 

Life is so unpredictable.  I was so content with my life in Utah.  I was okay where I was, I was happy. 

Moving is so stressful, the events leading up to moving are a blur, I can't really remember much before packing up the huge trailer and leaving my house that I made a home for the last 5 years.  Its hard to think about that house.  So many memories there, so many things that I want to remember forever, but then it hurts.

That's the first house Bob and I bought together, that's where I watched my boys grow and learn, that's where I found out I was pregnant with Lexi, that's where I brought Lexi home to, that's where Bob was comfortable at while he was sick, that's where we had family time, laughs, cries and so many memories to last a lifetime. 

Honestly, I never wanted to leave.  I haven't told Bob this, but I would've been perfectly content right there forever.  Good-byes are hard and I knew on December 27th when I drove away from my home, that I was never going back.  But it was so hard for me to admit.  I miss that place, I miss Summer of 2012 with our pool, all the laughter and memories of that summer are forever etched in my mind.  So many memories were made in that little house in Roy.  So many things that have changed me, have change my family and someday when I drive pass there, I'll smile.  Because it was good memories, memories I never want to forget.

Today, I'm trying to get through ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Its not working, I'm completely homesick.  Somedays I think I'm fine, then it hits me like a ton of bricks.  I feel like I have a disease and that one day I'll just die from a broken heart.  If Bob asked me tomorrow if I wanted to leave, I wouldn't even hesitate to say YES.  I'd ask him when he wanted me packed and I'd get on it.  So many things I miss about Utah, but the majority of my missing, is my family.  Looking at the memories they're making without me and it SUCKS.  There are no words to describe how I feel.  It just plain SUCKS.

I'm missing my boys bad.  Oh my heart aches just thinking about it.  They are my world, I've relied so much on them.  When I've felt down, they have been my reason to get up and keep going.

Someday I hope I feel okay with being in Texas, I don't know how long I'll be here, I know it won't be forever.  I can't stand the thought of my parents not seeing my kids grow up, it makes me sick.  I can't stand the thought of them not knowing my kids. 

Why is life so hard???

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