Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Spreading my wings

Summer on the calendar doesn't start until June 21st, but the weather says otherwise.  I love summer, live for summer and wish summer never went away.

This summer is going to be hard.  I'm saying good-bye to my boys for two months and five days.  They are heading to Utah and I'm sad honestly.  Sad because they are going to the place I miss more than anything, well the place that has the people I miss more than anything.  But then a little piece of me is happy because they get to see the people they miss so much. 

My mind has been wondering a lot lately.  How did I get here?  Why did I choose to leave?  I've spent many nights thinking about what IF.  What IF I would've thought about what I would miss the most?  What IF I thought about how much it would hurt to sell Bob and I's first house together, all the memories made there?  What IF I thought about how much my Mom and Dad and Sisters would miss my kids?

The truth is, all these things crossed my mind over and over and over and over and over again, but I never really thought it would hurt THIS MUCH.  I MISS HOME.  I miss my mountains, my Mom, my Sisters, I-15, Roy, my work friends, Super Target, Utah Summers, Pineview, drives up Ogden canyon, the river, Bear Lake, the scenery and just my "NORMAL" life. 

When I think about home, I think about the poem or saying "If tears could build a stairway..." but my thoughts are if tears could build a road back home with all the things to get me through life (jobs for Bob and I, a house, etc.), I'd be right there.

I don't know how long I'll be here, it might be 5 years, 10 years or who knows...FOREVER.  But Utah will always be my home and I think maybe someday I'll end up back there.  I keep hoping I'll win a huge chunk of money and these feelings will go away.  But the truth is, I've gotten stronger since I've been here.

I've learned a lot about my life.  I'm learning to spread my wings, but now I need to learn to FLY. 

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