Thursday, March 1, 2012

Life....its rough and I've had to remind myself on numerous occassions in the last two weeks that someone has it worse than I do.

We've known for the last three years that something was going on with Jax.  He was the best baby.  Slept through the night at 2 weeks, was loveable and easy going.  In 2009, things were crazy, A LOT happened and Jaxon was old enough to know more than we thought.  He talks about events that happened here and there, but he most often asks me if his Dad will live.   Its heartbreaking and most of the time, I play it off and bring up something else. is what has been happening lately, this is my life journal right, so why not lay it all out.  Jax has been acting out a lot lately, he hasn't slept a full night in over a month and he is eating my entire kitchen and I am talking like all night.  The other night I was up until 2:30 trying to get him to go to sleep.  Yeah, he is 7, almost 8 and NOT 2. He says he isn't tired.  Its exhausting!! 

So I  schedule an appt after much talk with my sister who is an MA.  She swears Jax has a thyroid problem.  We get the results back and its shows he does.  I schedule an appt with Lex and Ash pediatrician where I expect Jax will be put on medicine.  Well thats not what happened.  LONG story short, Jax thyroid is showing a problem, but not where he needs to be on medicine yet. So we got other news and I am still shocked.  Jaxon will be tested for Asberger syndrome.  I cried at first, not because I think its horrible, but because I am scared for him.  I worried what people will say about him and how they will treat him.  I worry that he will be left out.  I worry that I won't be able to do what he needs to lead a normal life.  I just WORRY.  I am a Mom and a worrier.

The other part, Jaxon also has PTSD.  I know you're thinking, he has never been to war....well PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) can happen to anyone who has gone through a horrible thing in life.

My poor Jax, my heart aches for him.  He said to me over the weekend...."Mom, what is wrong with me?"  He knows too much, his poor soul has been through so much and yet I am not sure what to do.  I want to provide the best life for him and I  want him to love life and not think its scary.  It is a scary world out there, I fear he has seen way too much.  So if you could, say a little prayer for Jax, we'll know more after our vacation.


Sunset Stanley said...

He will definitely be in my prayers! I feel bad that we hardly see each other anymore. Let's get together soon for lunch.. or a playdate!

Eric and Jenny said...

Oh Sierra I am sorry, I know the heartache you must feel worrying about what this could mean for the rest of his life. I have those same thoughts for Luke all the time.

For what it's worth, you are an amazing mom and I know because of you he will have every opportunity and you will know when and what he may be needing when times are tough.

Try and enjoy your vacation and let the worry go just for a bit, you deserve a little break from reality.

Thiago & Teri said...

So sorry for your worries dear friend, you wouldn't be a mom if you didn't worry and that boy is so lucky to have you. I know you will do all that you can for him, you are such a great mom and you will all be just fine. Lots of love and prayers for you....