Heaven

My sweet little Ashton, oh how I wish I had half the imagination he does.  He is 100% a free spirit, so full of life.  Its hard to describe him, he is just different from my other two, I love them all equal, but Ashton has this spiritual side to him.

Yesterday was a rough day for him, he has asthma and this time of the year with the weather changing back and forth doesn't agree with him.  He had to have 2 breathing treatments and was still not doing good.  It was a close call for the ER, but we got him settled enough to be okay. 

But he was laying in my bed and out of no where says "Mommy, I'm not ready to go to heaven!"  I was pretty shaken and caught off guard, I said "I hope you aren't yet, Mommy needs you here!"  He then asked me and his Dad if we were ready, I said "Ashton, Heaven isn't scary and I'm not afraid, but I'm not ready right now."  Bob said "I'm ready whenever I need to be."  Ashton didn't really understand Bob's theory to why he said what he did, so Ashton said "you want to leave me?"  Bob said "No! I don't, but when you come close to dying and you see what the other side is like, you're not afraid!" 

I've never really shared this story, but I guess its time I do, so that one day my kids can look back at this.  Bob shared this story with me about 9 months after he had surgery.  We had been talking a lot about what had happened the day he had surgery.  He said "Sierra, I went fishing with my Grandpa that day."  At first I didn't believe him, but as he told the story, it all made sense.  He died in the OR, went into cardiac arrest, this was when they called me from the OR saying that they had taken Bob back to the OR, because he was not in good shape.  I didn't know all the details of what happened until after the doctor was done with Bob for the second time.  Bob said "My Grandpa told me I needed to go back and take of my family and that he would see me later."  Its hard to believe unless you believe in these things.  I believe that there is life after death, I believe that things happen for a reason.  I don't go to church, but that doesn't mean that I don't have faith.  I do.  I do even more now than I did 2 years ago, even more than 6 months ago.  Bob somewhat shared the story with Ashton and Ashton said "I don't want you to leave me and I don't want Mommy too either."  He went on to talk about how he knows Heaven is good, but he isn't ready.

This got me to thinking, thinking about parents who've had to bury a child, I can't imagine.  I don't think I ever want too. I know there is a plan for everyone and its not always in our control.  I think that my Ashton is pretty special, don't get me wrong, he is still a stubborn little boy, but he loves to talk about Jesus and Heaven.