Thursday, February 18, 2010

Feeling optimistic and a new blog

Its been a week! I hate being stressed and I hate even more being depressed. When I get depressed I tend to have emotions about everything. Everything comes out of me and I have so many frustrations. On Tuesday shortly after I wrote my last post I contacted a heart Mom who is very experienced in the heart world. She is so sweet, she talked to me for a long time on Monday night, it sure was a relief to finally be able to talk with someone who knows how I feel and not think that I am completely insane. I am new to this whole thing, I am not sure what is bad and was isn't and I am not really all that educated on Lexi's heart condition. I just don't know, I think somewhere between Ogden Regional and Primary Childrens, things fell out and I was left out of the loop. I've been frustrated lately because all the questions I have are being answered by Lexi's pediatrician because when I went to Primarys, I didn't think things were bad, I thought it was something that would heal on its own and all would be good. Well I was wrong and I guess I learned a lesson. So I have my list of questions for the cardiologist and I plan on making my next visit and very long and educated one. Yesterday I called her cardiologist to find out what I should do about all my concerns, they didn't call back and so I called again today and was a little frustrated. I let this lady know all my frustrations and that I am worried, and I am still waiting for a phone call back. So we will see what happens, I realize her appt is less than 2 weeks away, but what if 2 weeks is too long, I just don't know.

A new blog, I have decided to make Lexi her own blog, I see all the heart Mom's have their own for their heart babies and I would like to focus more on all of my family on this blog which will be linked to Lexi's blog. So if you would like to connect to Lexi's blog, the link is http://alexiasjourney.blogspot.com/. That way I can update all my family, friends and other fellow heart Mom's on the progress and life of my little girl.

I questioned myself all day Monday and Tuesday on why God would give me a baby with special needs, but I think I found my answer. Lexi is truly a blessing, everything about her is. She makes me smile everyday, she is a happy baby, never cries, she loves her Mommy and I truly believe God knew what he was doing when he gave her to me. I feel lucky to tell the truth and although we may have a tough road ahead of us, I will learn so much and be thankful for this sweet and loving little baby girl.

Thanks to everyone for all the support, people have no clue how blessed I feel to have so many people who care and continue to watch out for us or pray for us. This is hard, I won't lie and any Mom who has went through this trial knows. I also feel good about it, I have made new friendships. Thanks Shauntelle for reassuring that miracles do happen, your little girl is a true miracle and I feel so honored to be able to talk and communicate with you.

2 comments:

Thiago & Teri said...

Friend...my heart is breaking for you. I missed Tuesday's post, so I just got myself caught up on whats happening with little Lex. I am so sorry that it is coming to this, I was really hanging on to the hope that it would fix itself. I am going to agree with the others, and say follow that mothers intuition. It won't lead you in the wrong way, just reading your posts makes me realize how close to our father in heaven you are, and I know he is mindful of you and will not lead you in the wrong direction. Hang in there, I know it probably feels like that is all you have been doing for the past year. You absolutely amaze me, you are so strong and so courageous and those kids of yours are dang lucky to have you. Love ya-

Eric and Jenny said...

What a blessing to be able to contact another mom that has a similar situation as Lexi's. I bet that will make a world of difference, you are so right just having someone to talk to who understands is more help than doctors tend to be at times. I know how hard this is for you, well I don't but I can imagine but what a great blessing it is to the rest of us to read of your strength and love for Lexi. You are right she was sent to you for a reson, I question myself sometimes why Luke had to be hearing impaired but yet I just can't imagine him any other way and that just adds to my love for him so I know it is the same for you with Lexi (if that makes any sense).