Doing something good shouldn't always hurt...

How could you not love that face?

WARNING: This is long, but I need to get it out of me.

I love her and I miss her terribly! Yesterday I received a phone call from one of the guys who bought a puppy from me for his Wife and kids, it was the sweetest thing. He planned it all out, they didn't know about it and he suprised them. He called me to tell me that the puppy died, I was completely caught off guard and broke down. The puppy had went under a recliner and his daughter had sat down not knowing the puppy was under there and reclined the chair and it crushed the little puppy. It was hard for me, because I took care of these puppies for 7 weeks, I watched them come into this world, I fed them, I bathed them and I loved them. It might sound weird to some people, but they became a part of my family and my kids loved them also.

So the guy called to see if I had any puppies left. Of course all I had left was Tabitha, who I had grown to love and had gotten completely attached too. But I knew I still had Sadie (the mommy) and I knew that Tabitha was getting to be too much for me with everything going on. But the thought in my head was "how do I tell my boys?" I decided before I left work that I wanted them to have her, it was the right thing to do and I thought about it long and hard. I called him and told him, he must have said "thank you" 40 times in one minute. He was pretty upset, but I was still trying to figure out how I would tell my boys and not break their hearts. Bob advised me that he wanted to tell Jax the truth. So we got home and sat Jax down and told him that Tabitha's sister died and a little girl was sad she didn't have a puppy anymore and that we were going to give her Tabitha. The look on his face was undescribable, but he held back his tears and said "well there is just one thing I need to tell Tabitha." He picked her up and hugged her and said "I love you Tabitha". I lost it at this point, it was the most heartbreaking moment for me to see my son hurt, but now show it. I couldn't fight back my tears and I went outside to try to help and sat on the front porch, Jax followed me out there and put his arm around me and said "Mommy, I don't want you to cry, Tabitha will be just fine". Its weird, I knew my son had a sensitive side, but wow, he showed so much to me in like 30 minutes that I had never seen. He is a strong kid with a BIG heart and I watched him give his puppy away and tell me that it was okay, even though I knew deep down inside he didn't really want to do it. Its been a lesson learned for me, because I know I did the right thing, but WOW, it has totally broken me into pieces. I felt like I gave a kid away, even though I didn't and NEVER would, but she was the most lovable and sweetest dog and I miss her so much.

Jax said to me this morning that he needed to call the people to bring his dog back, and then he said, "but I think she will be fine, so I guess they can keep her still." He hasn't brought it up since, but I know that he is still thinking of her, because he told his little brother that Tabitha was playing with the little girls at a new house. Such a sweet boy I have and I am so thankful for him everyday, even if he does drive me crazy. Things have just been hard lately and he has made sure to help in everyway he can. Thanks Jax, I love you!!

I am in BIG trouble...Just Kidding!

So I made the mistake of going to Baby's R Us today, I have been avoiding going there, because I really can't control myself with buying clothes for Little Lexi. Well I decided that if I went, I would take Bob with me and well he told me to get what I wanted and I did. I bought 4 adorable outfits, that I am so excited to see her in. Bob picked out the purple dress and I can't wait to see her in it. I loved the yellow, orange and brown outfit, by far my favorite.

Also, this week, I bought her mattress and last week I had bought her bed set and yesterday I set it all up. I love it! It seems like forever until she gets her, but its really not. I have 13 weeks left, because she will come at 37 weeks no matter what, well unless she decides to come earlier. My doctor moved my due date up a month on Wednesday when I went in because she was showing two weeks bigger and he only wanted to move me up a week, I am fine with that.

I couldn't help but add this picture in here, Ash is growing up so much. He is completely potty trained...YAY!!! The only problem I have with him is he wants something and then he doesn't and then he does and then he doesn't. He is two, what can I say. I still love this baby to death and I love watching him grow and learn. He is so excited for baby sister and I think he will be a great big brother.

I wish I had a picture of Jax, but he doesn't let me take his pictures. Jax has been so good for the last couple of days (knock on wood). He is so smart and catches on to everything. He advised me a couple of weeks ago that he wants to play soccer, basketball and football. Boy, I think we are going to be BUSY!!

Update

Well I had my doctors appt. and some good news and some bad news...good news is that I am not going on bed rest...YAY!!! But it is my incision and I really do have to take it easy, no lifting and all that stuff, could be a good thing, could be a bad thing, BUT we don't want it to get worse. So I have to get a maternity belt (have no clue where to find one) and he put me on some medicine to help with the pain (which is awful, I would rather be in labor). So we will see what happens from here.

Also, Misty Stratfords brother Lance passed away today, he has been fighting a long fight and if you seen my previous post, he was battling with osteomyalitis (SP?). He lost is battle today and leaves behind two very precious and cute girls. Please keep them in your prayers, I am still in shock, I know Lance pretty well, he was like a brother to me, I always looked up to him. Thanks everyone!

baby update

Well things still aren't looking or going good, so I am headed to see my doc tomorrow to see what is going to happen. Today has been the worse day by far, it started last night around 9pm and my cramping hasn't gone away at all. Its a weird feeling, I don't feel like I am in labor or anything, but I can tell you that I am miserable. So I called my doc this morning and he of course was out of the office today, but said I needed to take a hot bath, increase my fluids and relax (how do you do that with 2 very active boys?). And then he made me an appt for tomorrow, he said he is thinking 1 of 3 things:

1. Its my incision ripping again, which is not a good thing at all. This could mean that I will be on bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy. My incision ripped with Ashton, but I was 37 weeks along, so he just took him. I am praying really hard that it isn't this.

2. This could be the way my body is reacting to the way the baby is growing, it could be perfectly normal and I would just deal with it by doing what he advised today, but taking tylonel or possibly tribulene (i think thats what he called it) everyday.

3. The baby could be in a weird position and we just need to try to get her to move, he thinks this, because my left leg is going numb. So it could really be this and I am freaking for nothing.

This is so hard, because I worry so much, she is too little to bring into this world right now and I really worry that it is 1 and that its going to be a long 14 weeks to get her here safe. I have cried so many tears, not necessarily because I am in pain, but because I am scared. I have also lost all my patience with my boys and I feel bad, I know its just cause I don't feel good, but it seems as if every little thing gets me.

I will update tomorrow after I find out what is going on. Please keep your fingers crossed that its just something that can be fixed without having to bring her into the world early or go on bedrest. Thanks everyone!!!

Boys pictures and a scare....

Today I took the boys to get their pictures done, they turned out so cute and I am very happy with them. I haven't done pictures at Kiddie Kandids for a while and i am always happy with the way they turn out.

Yesterday, I had a little scare, okay a BIG scare. I started bleeding (sorry if too much info) and called my doc, because I was also cramping. Well they sent me to Labor & Delivery and I was having contractions. They of course stopped them, but I am on a "mild" bed rest, which means, absolutely no lifting and all that stuff. Some of the stuff I find impossible not to do for the next three months, so its going to be umpossible. We will see and I will keep everyone posted.

Innocence of a child...

Jaxon amazes me everyday with the things he comes up with, I sometimes find myself thinking how he came up with what he just said. Today, during dinner, he started talking about taking care of his family and cooking them dinner. He said to his dad..."Dad, don't worry, when my Mom doesn't want to be married to you anymore, she can marry me." I couldn't help but laugh, because he really has no clue what marriage is, he doesn't realize you can't marry your Mom, but he just proved that he loves his Mom so much. He makes me smile all the time, I love his personality. Love you Jax!!!

Its a girl thing...

Shopping for this little girl has been tough, there is so much to choose for a girl. Bob and I both knew we wanted a really nice crib, so we went all out and the above crib is what we bought. Its all slowly coming together and I am getting more and more excited.

This is her room set that we picked out, I have gone through several, but finally settled on this cute set. With both of my boys, it was easy for me, Jaxon had a sports room and Ash had a jungle theme room. I loved both of them. There is something about picking out a girls room though, so many choices and I finally get to have something PINK. I haven't gone all crazy yet on buying things, she has three outfits as of right now. My main concern is buying her dresser next to match her crib, then getting the stroller and all the things that are really needed that you might not get at a baby shower. All I can say is that Ms. Alexia is already loved so much, Jaxon asks me everyday when we can get her out. Today I broke the news with him that he might have to share his Birthday with her since my due is so close to his birthday. He told me..."Mom thats okay, I love my baby sister!" I am so happy as Jax had a hard time when Ashton came. Ashton on the other hand doesn't understand it all, he just wants to give my belly kisses everyday and a hug...SO CUTE!!!

Is this weather tricking us???

I love nice weather, I love the blue skies and being able to almost see all the grass. I love being able to let the kids go outside and play and run. I love not having to bundle them up in snow pants, jackets and snow boots to go get fresh air. This weekend has been so nice and the boys and puppies have surely enjoyed not being locked up all day. Bring on the warm weather, because I am ready in more ways than one...