Saturday, December 1, 2012

This month

Its here!  It came so FAST and I can't believe it.  In 26 days we pack up our entire house into a box and in 27 days we leave Utah and start new beginnings.  I'm nervous, excited, scared and my heart is heavy.  I'm leaving behind my FAMILY, the ones who have been beside me for 29 years, the ones I call on a daily basis, the ones who love my kids unconditionally, the ones who know how to make my day, the ones who know my kids and so much more.

I'm leaving my best friend and her family.  The people I call my second family, the ones who have picked me up several times over the last how ever many years I've known them.  The ones that love me unconditionally and have never judged me.  I'm struggling with not being able to see Tess on a weekly basis or go to lunch with my friend whenever needed.

I'm also leaving my Sister, my best friend, the one person who understands me more than anyone in this world.  The one who loves my kids and my kids world lights up when she is around.  I can't even think about the tears that will be shed on the 28th of this month, I don't want to think about it.  I want to go to sleep on the 27th and wake up in Texas.  I can't stay good-bye, I just can't!!

My Mom, my heart aches thinking about what she is thinking.  I also can't think about it, I don't want to.  I want to pretend she is okay, even though deep inside I know she isn't.  I want her to know that we will be fine, that we will see her more often than she thinks.  That my kids WILL always remember their Grandmother, the one who loves them and has protected them.

Last week, I went through 7 totes full of stuff from when I grew up and high school.  The memories came flooding back to me and all the fun I've had through the years and the memories I've made.  I've done a lot in my life, I've seen a lot and been through a lot.  But the one thing I'll always cherish is these MEMORIES, good and bad!! 

I honestly can't believe I'm doing this, it seems like a dream most days.  It seems simple others.  I've always know that I wouldn't stay in Utah forever, but little did I know that it would happen this fast.  Things happen for a reason, they just do, they happen to make us stronger, they happen to make us wiser, they happen to make us appreciate things, they happen because they have too.

The one thing I don't know how to do is leave and believe everyone behind me will be okay, how do I do that?

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