Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Just some thoughts

Its 5am in the morning on Christmas and I'm the only one awake.  I think its the fact that five million things are flowing through my head.

I'm thinking a lot about this past year, where I am right now, where I thought I would be, what's happening, the changes and how life is never what you planned it to be. 

We go through life not knowing what can change, why things happen the way they do or what's going to happen next!   When I found out I was losing my job, the thoughts through my head were unbelievable.  How do I take care of my kids?  I don't want to have to worry about things like food, clothes and all that?  What if something happens to Bob and he is unable to work?  I CAN'T BE JOBLESS!!  As much as I would love to be a stay at home Mom, its just not possible.  A lot of people would say I live a life of fear and they are probably right.  My Husband has a heart condition and I've had to accept that.  I've had to accept that at any moment something could change.  So finding a job was important.  Then the next step, was figuring out if moving was really an option.  I made a list, countless lists, I cried, I prayed, I asked advice of dear friends and I prayed some more.  Everything pointed to moving.  But this meant I would leave my loved ones behind and who knows when I'll see them next.

So all these things are going through my head again and I'm constantly asking myself if I made the right decision.  I think I did and this isn't going to be easy, its going to be really hard and we are going to have to figure out a routine.  But I have faith we'll figure it out and we'll get through this and we'll be STRONGER.

I'm scared of all the things happening, I'm scared of Good-byes (See you laters), I'm scared to see my Mom cry, I'm scared of what my kids are going to do.  I'm scared to cry myself knowing that it may be awhile before I see some of the people.  I'm scared of the drive, I'm scared of a new scenery and not knowing where everything is.  I'm scared of Lexi going to daycare, I'm scared for my boys to start a new school and pray that they'll find comfort in knowing they aren't a lone. 

But with being scared, I'm also thankful, thankful that I'm able to make this move, thankful that I have support no matter how  hard it is for my family to watch me go.  Thankful that I'm able to show my kids another state in America.  Thankful that I know I have family in Texas that is welcoming us with open arms and supporting us every single step of the way.  Thankful that everything has just fallen into place and giving me the sign that it was all meant to be.

So even though my nights are sleepless right now, soon this will all be behind us and we'll say we survived another major event  in our lives. 

Merry Christmas my friends, embrace the ones you love!

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