Sunday, September 22, 2013

9 months

This last month has been hard for me.  Not sure if its the weather changing (which isn't much in Texas), the fact that the Holidays are fast approaching or the fact that we can't seem to find a new normal.  The pain of missing home just gets harder and harder.  I look at everything my parents are missing and everything I'm missing at home and my heart aches.  If only I had known how hard it would be. 

We have really good days and we have really bad days.  I try to take it one day at a time.  When we first talked about moving, we said we'd do this for awhile, but now my heart is set on going home and I just keep praying some miracle will come and we'll be able to pack up and head back to Utah. 

My kids miss home, I miss home, Bob misses home and home I think is where we belong, we don't fit in here.

The one thing I can say is that in the last 9 months my faith has strengthened so much, my relationship with the Lord is stronger than its ever been.  I realize NOW how much I need him in my life everyday.  He is the only reason that I've made it through this and haven't had to be admitted to a psych ward.  I've also watch my kids relationships with the God grow, I love hearing them talk about church and I love that they take in everything.

I've been attending a Women's Bible study for 2 weeks now, its the best medicine in this world and honestly I think God knew I needed this at this time in my life.  Its been so refreshing to know that I am, indeed, not alone.  Everyone has the day to day struggles of running a family and trying to figure it out. 

I'm not sure where God is going to lead us, I just know that I'm not giving up and if is home is where I'm suppose to be by the end of the year, then I'll be there, but if its not until next year, then I'll be patient and know that its all for a reason. 

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