I've struggled a lot lately. Trying to find a balance between the reality of my new life and all the crap that is going on in my life.
Since I've moved here I've become closer to God, no doubt about it. What I don't get is why I didn't make myself feel that way long before I moved. Why didn't I put all my faith in God a long time ago?
Here is what I think.
1. I was so busy living life and things were going good that I guess I didn't feel I needed him.
2. No one has ever really talked to me about God. Yeah, I believe there is a higher power and always have. I pray, but only when I needed too.
3. I felt like the only time I needed him was when things were tough.
All of those of not good excuses. WE all NEED God ALL THE TIME. We need him during good times, bad times, sad times, exciting time and we need him everyday.
Lately I've prayed my heart out for things. Things have been rough. But I know things will work out, I have no doubt. God keeps showing me that they will. I just wish I had a little more faith in myself to believe that he is watching out for me. I'm working on it. Strengthening my relationship with me.
All weekend long I was worried about things. Our financial situation, our house in Utah, my Mom, my boys, worrying about my Mom after the boys leave, starting school for the kids, Lex going to daycare again and Bob's job situation. There is nothing I can do to control any of these situations. I'll always worry about my Mom, nothing will change that. My financial situation will work out, I've been much worse off in life than now. My house will sell in Utah, but NOT on MY time. My Mom will be fine after the boys leave, its just going to be hard for a bit. My kids are pros at this school stuff and that'll all work out. Lexi is going to a place where I 110% trust the person and she'll be in good hands. Bob has a job, who am I kidding, I should feel blessed about that.
And then I show up to church yesterday and the talk is on WORRY. Who knew? God did, he knew I needed that talk about it all.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:24
There it is, God telling me that all my worrying is not going to fix anything. Live in the moment. Cherish today.
So my goal this week. Don't worry about things that are out of my control. Let things work out and they will, its just not always on my time.