Christmas Eve

Our Christmas Eve was pretty low key.  Both Bob and I had to work since we switched our days to later this week to move. 

Utah had a pretty good snow storm move in and it was nice and perfect for Christmas day.  I love snow on Christmas, but after that it needs to be GONE.

We had a quiet house to ourselves, which hasn't happened lately since the girl who is renting my house has moved in with her kids, so things have been quite chaotic and not quiet. 

I let the kids open jammies at 5pm and then I put mine on and kicked it in front of the TV. 

I sent Bob to get cookies to MAKE for the kids and he came home with already packaged cookies.  Well I wasn't about to return them, because I didn't really have the energy to make any anyways, but it was quite hilarious!

Ashton was so ready for bed at 6pm, I told him he had to atleast wait until 7pm for bed.  It was hard for him. 

All my kids were in bed and asleep by 8pm and I sat and relaxed and it was so nice to have that time to myself.

 

Christmas Eve Jammies are tradition, Jax wasn't too thrilled about it, but hey its not going away anytime soon.  And when you are 20 years old, you'll still get Christmas Eve Jammies.

 

And then SANTA came...

Just some thoughts

Its 5am in the morning on Christmas and I'm the only one awake.  I think its the fact that five million things are flowing through my head.

I'm thinking a lot about this past year, where I am right now, where I thought I would be, what's happening, the changes and how life is never what you planned it to be. 

We go through life not knowing what can change, why things happen the way they do or what's going to happen next!   When I found out I was losing my job, the thoughts through my head were unbelievable.  How do I take care of my kids?  I don't want to have to worry about things like food, clothes and all that?  What if something happens to Bob and he is unable to work?  I CAN'T BE JOBLESS!!  As much as I would love to be a stay at home Mom, its just not possible.  A lot of people would say I live a life of fear and they are probably right.  My Husband has a heart condition and I've had to accept that.  I've had to accept that at any moment something could change.  So finding a job was important.  Then the next step, was figuring out if moving was really an option.  I made a list, countless lists, I cried, I prayed, I asked advice of dear friends and I prayed some more.  Everything pointed to moving.  But this meant I would leave my loved ones behind and who knows when I'll see them next.

So all these things are going through my head again and I'm constantly asking myself if I made the right decision.  I think I did and this isn't going to be easy, its going to be really hard and we are going to have to figure out a routine.  But I have faith we'll figure it out and we'll get through this and we'll be STRONGER.

I'm scared of all the things happening, I'm scared of Good-byes (See you laters), I'm scared to see my Mom cry, I'm scared of what my kids are going to do.  I'm scared to cry myself knowing that it may be awhile before I see some of the people.  I'm scared of the drive, I'm scared of a new scenery and not knowing where everything is.  I'm scared of Lexi going to daycare, I'm scared for my boys to start a new school and pray that they'll find comfort in knowing they aren't a lone. 

But with being scared, I'm also thankful, thankful that I'm able to make this move, thankful that I have support no matter how  hard it is for my family to watch me go.  Thankful that I'm able to show my kids another state in America.  Thankful that I know I have family in Texas that is welcoming us with open arms and supporting us every single step of the way.  Thankful that everything has just fallen into place and giving me the sign that it was all meant to be.

So even though my nights are sleepless right now, soon this will all be behind us and we'll say we survived another major event  in our lives. 

Merry Christmas my friends, embrace the ones you love!

Pictures with my parents

Another thing to check off my list before I leave.

Pictures of my kids with their Grandparents, who have been by their side the last 8, 6 and 3 years.

My kids are so lucky to have my parents as their Grandma and Grandpa, my parents love their whole heartedly and would do anything in the world for them.

Gingerbread houses

This year I found the best thing, I got a gingerbread house already glued together, we just had to decorate it.  It was perfect, because every other years ours collapses and we end up throwing it away.

I let the kids do it all this year, every single bit of it.  I just sat back and watched.  Its fun to see kids use their imagination and I struggle sometimes with letting my kids do things on their own like this.  But not this year, I think it shows so much more than when I do it and try to make it look like the box has it.

Christmas Village

Nothing beats Christmas Village.  Its just magical.  Its just what I needed to feel the spirit of Christmas.  Seeing that Jolly man in his red suit and hearing my babies tell Santa just what they want for Christmas.

Its been hard to get into it this year and I've never struggled with it. 

This month

Its here!  It came so FAST and I can't believe it.  In 26 days we pack up our entire house into a box and in 27 days we leave Utah and start new beginnings.  I'm nervous, excited, scared and my heart is heavy.  I'm leaving behind my FAMILY, the ones who have been beside me for 29 years, the ones I call on a daily basis, the ones who love my kids unconditionally, the ones who know how to make my day, the ones who know my kids and so much more.

I'm leaving my best friend and her family.  The people I call my second family, the ones who have picked me up several times over the last how ever many years I've known them.  The ones that love me unconditionally and have never judged me.  I'm struggling with not being able to see Tess on a weekly basis or go to lunch with my friend whenever needed.

I'm also leaving my Sister, my best friend, the one person who understands me more than anyone in this world.  The one who loves my kids and my kids world lights up when she is around.  I can't even think about the tears that will be shed on the 28th of this month, I don't want to think about it.  I want to go to sleep on the 27th and wake up in Texas.  I can't stay good-bye, I just can't!!

My Mom, my heart aches thinking about what she is thinking.  I also can't think about it, I don't want to.  I want to pretend she is okay, even though deep inside I know she isn't.  I want her to know that we will be fine, that we will see her more often than she thinks.  That my kids WILL always remember their Grandmother, the one who loves them and has protected them.

Last week, I went through 7 totes full of stuff from when I grew up and high school.  The memories came flooding back to me and all the fun I've had through the years and the memories I've made.  I've done a lot in my life, I've seen a lot and been through a lot.  But the one thing I'll always cherish is these MEMORIES, good and bad!! 

I honestly can't believe I'm doing this, it seems like a dream most days.  It seems simple others.  I've always know that I wouldn't stay in Utah forever, but little did I know that it would happen this fast.  Things happen for a reason, they just do, they happen to make us stronger, they happen to make us wiser, they happen to make us appreciate things, they happen because they have too.

The one thing I don't know how to do is leave and believe everyone behind me will be okay, how do I do that?