Happy 1st Birthday Lexi!!!

This day 1 year ago is still all to fresh, I try to forget about all the pain and heartache I went through to get my baby girl here safe and sound. Then I remember those two very long weeks of going back and forth 4-6 times a day to feed and check on my little girl and it brings me to tears. I can't believe its been a year. But I have learned so much in the past year and I think my heart is stronger than ever before. I have so many things I would love to say, but the most important is thanking all the people who prayed for my Princess on a daily basis when she was in the hospital and then with her heart condition. Prayers work and no one will EVER tell me different. If they didn't my little girl may not be here today and she is.

I don't think I wanted this day to come because it means so many things. I no longer have a little baby that loves to be cuddled and held. I will no longer get to celebrate a 1st birthday after this one, even though I get to celebrate many more birthdays with all my kids. Its just something about what you know is your last child growing up. Lexi is clearly my last, I have known this since I got pregnant with her and it became more real after I had her. All of her firsts were lasts for me, the last time I would see my child do that for the first time. So I am happy that Lexi is here and doing so good, but I am sad that my baby is growing up. She no longer wants to be held for 4 hrs straight (YES, I am guilty of doing this), she no longer wants to be fed by me, she no longer wants me to entertain her, instead she can entertain herself or her brothers can.

Words cannot describe how much this little girl means to me. All my kids are my world, I love die for them, fight for them and I breathe for them. They mean everything! Lexi has far accomplished more than doctors ever believed she would at her age.

Currently Lexi is in the 50% for weight (highest percentile she has ever been in for weight), she is 90% for height and 50% for her little head. Its amazing, since her little heart healed she has done so good, she eats good, she is gaining weight, she is more active and she just feels good. She is almost walking, she will take a few steps and decide crawling is easier. She says "Mama", "Daddy", "Uh oh" and "yuck". She likes to tell us "UM MM", basically NO!!! She gets into everything and I mean everything, she tears up paper, books and anything laying around. She likes to follow her brothers around the house and play with them. She climbs on anything and everything. She goes up and down stairs. She loves food including crackers (Ritz flavor), chicken, turkey, green beans, corn, carrots (her favorite), apples (diced for babies), yogurt, cheese and she will actually drink milk (woo hoo). She is a Mama's girl, probably because she knows I have been there every step of the way, not that her Dad hasn't, but when Bob was sick, I took care of her all by myself everyday. She currently has an obsession with baby dolls, its cute and I am glad she likes girly things. She loves to be outside and right now she HATES the car, she screams in it. She still takes 2 naps a day, morning and afternoon. She is on a bedtime schedule and still sleeps through the night unless she has an ear ache, which has been frequent lately (not anymore after next Wednesday).

Lexi, thanks for lighting up our lives and teaching us what life is all about, you have the sweetest personality and I am so glad you are mine. Happy Birthday Princess, you definately show us that you are the littlest and the girl. We love you to the moon and back a million times over and over.




1 month



2 months



3 months



4 months



5 months



6 months



7 months



8 months



9 months



10 months



11 months



AND 12 months.

More to come...we are celebrating on Saturday with a cupcake theme. I can't wait, love this little girl!!!

Mothers Day

We had a good Mothers Day! Just hung out at my parents and then went for a walk at the park. It was a nice and calm day.




My gift from Jaxon, so cute and I love stuff like this. I don't need jewelry or anything, this stuff makes my heart melt!!!



Flowers from Bob and the kids.



Lexi and my Mom, such a sweet picture!!

Happy Mothers Day to all my Family and Friends!

Happy Mothers Day to my #1 HERO!!!

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln

If I could write a book about my Mom, it would be full of strength, courage and love. My Mom is most caring person I know, she loves each of her kids equally and has never shown that any other way. She is my rock and my hero. This Mother's Day is hard, because my Mom is pretty sick, but she doesn't give up ever and thats what I admire about her. She keeps going on in life and she has a positive outlook on how things will be for her. I don't think I tell her enough how much I love her and so I think I need to share that. She is the first person I call for anything. I go to her for any advice at all with parenting and life in general. She has never given up on me, she lets me cry when I need to, but she always reminds me that everything will work out. She loves her grandchildren so much that I can't even describe it. I can call anytime of the day and she is there for me. She is a hard worker, I admire that about her. She doesn't let people do things for her, she just does them herself, she is a go getter. She is my Best Friend and my heart aches to see what she has gone through this last month. I try not to let her know how worried I am about her, but I am worried as all heck.

Mom, thanks for everything you do for me and my family! Thanks for being my rock and best friend. I love you so much!!!

Where does the time go???

I swear just yesterday I was graduating from high school trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, I had no clue where I would be in 5 years. I never thought about having kids at that time, all I knew was that I had finally made it through school and I was happy. I never imagined that 9 years later I would miss school, I would want my childhood back or anything that had to go with it. Now today, I have 3 kids who I adore more than anything in this world, I have a wonderful Husband who provides so well for us, I have been through he%% and back again and again and I am still working at the same place as I was 8 and half years ago. CRAZY!! I never imagined I would have 3 kids and at that, 3 wonderful kids who bring SO much joy to my life, who make me smile and laugh on a daily basis. I never imagined I would have the Husband I have or someone who cares about me so much. I know I have made mistakes a long the way, but who hasn't and I say we all learn from there. What I can't figure out is where the time goes. Next week my little girl will be ONE YEARS OLD!! I am sad, like really really really sad. I hate that this last year has gone by so fast, but then I look at everything that happened and am glad that we all survived it, all FIVE of us. My babies are growing up way too fast, no one said that motherhood when by this fast, no one told you that one day you would be bringing home your baby and the next day sending them off for their first day of school, no one told me that motherhood is BY FAR the most rewarding job on earth. Or maybe someone did and I just didn't believe it at that time. So I still wish I could freeze time right now, but instead I will watch my babies grow up in the blink of an eye.

My Jaxon

I want to brag about my Jaxon for a minute. This little guy is everything I have dreamed of and more. He is creative, imaginative, charming, thoughtful, smart and a great big brother. He has the best personality. The only thing is that he sometimes worries too much, he was really upset when he found out that Ashton was going for some test. He had a break down the night before, I think he may have overheard me talking with Bob about it. I tried to keep it from him, but he always finds out everything. He was worried sick, he asked me 5 times that night if Ashton was going to be okay. I feel so bad for Jax, because during all of the chaos in our lives he has struggled with so much. I don't talk about it much because it breaks my heart. Jaxon not only has struggled at home, but in school too, he hated school, he never wanted to go, he didn't like any of his teachers and he was excited when he was off. I was tired of fighting with Jaxon to do homework every night. A 30 minute process would take hours and hours and we would end up in a fight. I told Jaxon one day that I was never going to give up on him, I would make sure he made it through school whether he liked it or not. I then made him an appt to meet with a doctor to talk about Jaxon's behavior. The doctor prescribed him a small dose of anxiety medicine. This was hard for me, because the last thing I wanted to do was medicate my child or make him someone he is not. But I soon found out that I made the right decision. Jaxon is doing awesome in school, in the 3 weeks he has been on his medicine he has gotten 1 bad note and he had a subsitute that day. He loves homework now and he even asks to do it. He is coloring and drawing pictures (such as the one above he made for me). He gets a long with Bob and I and his siblings. He can focus on things, he doesn't get angry all the time over the littlest things. He is writing his name better, he is counting better, he is reading better and he is just plain thriving. I love it! I love that Jaxon is doing better, I worried about him for the longest time. Jaxon and I can have conversations without bringing Jaxon to tears about what happened with his Dad. He still has lots of questions and I am sure he always will.

I know many people are probably wondering if Jaxon has always been like this and he hasn't. It wasn't until his Dad had open heart surgery and was down the whole summer that Jaxon started showing these emotions. The doctors and we believe that Jaxon was just put through way TOO MUCH over this past year. I feel guilty for a big portion of it, but I am not sure what I could've done differently, I sent my boys out of town for a week while Bob had surgery and was in the hospital, I think that was the best decision I could've made.

All I know is that I am happy my happy Jaxon is back, the one I remember from 2 years ago that made me smile on a daily basis. Thanks Jax for the picture, you've made my day and I love you!!!

Everything always works out...

I have been stressed to the MAX since Monday night. I have probably cried more tears this week then I have cried since July of last year. I have been worried sick and lost many hours of sleep once again. I have stared at my kids while they sleep for long periods of time. I have waited and waited and waited and waited for my phone to ring and well it did with the person I was expecting at 5:30 last night (I know I am sorry I waited so long).

So, everything is going to be fine!! Ashton does have fluid on his optic nerve and he does have something wrong in his aorta valve of his heart, BUT for right now its not too concerning. They think the fluid is normal and the heart problem will heal on its own (and I am fine with that). So the plan is to get Ashtons eyes check, watch him to make sure he doesn't get worse and do a follow up MRI/Echo in 6 months.

Can I tell EVERYONE how RELIEVED I am......???? So relieved that I screamed and REALLY I DID!!!

I also told Bob that after Lexi gets her tubes on the 19th, I won't be seeing a specialist for a LONG time until his follow up Echo which is routine in July. I am so TIRED of seeing specialist after specialist after specialist. I am ready to spend my money on a VACATION.

The waiting game...

Can I say how much I HATE THE WAITING GAME.....A LOT!!!!!

I don't know everything about the results, I do know stuff was found both on his MRI and Echo. I don't know all the details yet, I am hoping soon I will know.