Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Good-bye or See Ya Later

The last two years of my life have been full of "good-byes" and "See Ya Laters".  I've struggled with how to cope with it and it seems as life continues, Good-byes and See Ya Laters increase. 

I come from a military family.  As a matter of fact, the military life stops at my generation.  None of my cousins or siblings are in the military.  I've often wondered why, but I think I know.  I moved from England to California to Texas to Utah and I remember some good-byes, but not all.  I think as we get older we attached our self to things more and it gets harder. 

I left my family over a year ago and headed to Texas.  I will NEVER forget the night before telling my Mom good-bye, I wasn't sure when I would see her again.  I wasn't sure how I could continue on with life when I would be 23 hrs away from my family.  Then the next morning saying good-bye to my Sister who is also my Best Friend was another jab at my heart.  I kept saying "Is this really happening?"  "Am I really leaving this all behind?"

It was shortly after moving that I stumbled across this lovely quote on Pinterest.

And how true it was to know that I had so many people in Utah that I knew loved me and were hurting just as much.

This time was hard for me.  Hard for me to grasp, hard for me to understand and hard for me to even imagine that I was indeed living my new life and it wasn't just some nightmare.   Yes, I made the decision.  Bob and I spent countless hours, sleepless nights and many days going back and forth on what to do.  I would be giving up a lot.  My house, my babysitter, my security blanket, my life and moving to a place that I didn't know.  But I knew that the only reason it was even being considered is because it was what I needed to move on in life.  I needed to grow, to learn and to expand my horizons. 

I left thinking I wouldn't be back to Utah but to visit.  Never doubt God, never think that things can't change in the blink of an eye.  Never think that just because you leave, you aren't going back.  I was proven wrong.

The struggles to get out of bed and face each day became harder.  Going from snow to tornados, from hot summers to humid summers, from little traffic to major traffic, from everything I knew to everything I didn't know and learning how to figure it all out. 

Then I became so attached to two people who mean the world to me.  Two people who saved me time after time, two people who would drop everything in the blink of an eye to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.  I learned so much from them.  I learned that God is who should be first, if you have God, you have all you need. 

Making the decision to come back to Utah was just as hard.  As a matter of fact, I just had a conversation with a friend who is moving back home today about this.  Fort Worth, Texas was where I learned so much.  So much about myself, about life, about what matters and I learned about my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I learned that through the darkest days of your life, he will be there and he will never forsake me.  I learned that he has a plan and if I trust him, I will be okay.

Bob and I went back and forth on coming home.  I'd be giving up my job, I'd be telling two people who meant so much to me "See Ya Later", I'd be leaving the people I worked with who became my family "good-bye".  But I knew I'd be coming home to what I knew.  I thought this would be easy.  Little did I know I was wrong.  I went to my last day at work in Irving on Halloween and said my "good-byes" and walked out and I swore I wouldn't look back.  This was once again what I wanted.  This was THE PLAN all along or at least this is what I believe.

And still to this day I say this over and over and over again.  Sometimes it feels like 2013 was just a dream.  Then I remember, "Nope, I lived it!"  But I have grown so much.  I've changed for the best. 

My question today was "Why does God put people in our lives, only to rip them out?  I think I've answered it.  Every single person who has came in my life, I have needed, whether their impact on me was good or bad, happy or sad, forever or a short time.  It was what I needed. 

I came home and things were hard at first, getting back to a normal was rough.  I found myself a new church, have connected with so many people that I probably would've never connected with had my plan been different.  And today my heart aches, because I've had to say "See Ya Later" to two people who have impacted my life so much.  It hurts and I hate it.  I hate that this happens.  I know that I'll keep in touch with these two and that I will see them again one day, but the pain of watching them go back home is rough.  I told my friend today "I just lived this same thing 9 months ago!"  Only I was in her shoes, I was the one leaving.  We become so attached to people, its hard to let go.

And I still miss things about Texas, I still miss the people, I still miss certain things and I don't think it'll ever change.

And I think this about sums it up and says exactly how I feel.  If I didn't have anybody to miss, life would be boring.  So thankful I have so many people who I miss and love.

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