Thursday, September 25, 2014

Looking back

Tonight I had a moment of looking back at how hard moving to Texas was.  I will never forget the feeling on that day that I drove out of my Sisters driveway and really did wonder if I would ever see this place again.  The first 4 hours of that drive were horrible, I remember playing a song on my iPhone over and over in my car.  A song that you listen to when you feel like your world is collapsing around you.  I just said bye to my Best Friend, my Sister and I was walking away from everything I knew.  I remember Ashton begging to let him stay.  He said "Mom, I can't leave, I'll just come visit you!"  Nothing could've hurt worse, I was ripping everything my kids knew away from them and going 1400 miles away.  For many months I had a lot of hatred, hatred torwads people, because my life was a wreck and they were all fine, hatred towards the situation and I questioned God so many times and asked him WHY he did this?  How could something going so good, be ruined.

It wasn't until about 8 months after I left that many of my questions came to light.  God knew I needed to hit rock bottom to find him, he knew I needed the every day struggle of missing home to find him, he knew I needed to take my family 1400 miles away from everything I knew to find him.  Little did I know that in his plan, I'd find myself back here again, but WITH him. 

I am asked all the time "do you regret moving?"  My answer is NO.  I learned so much, I learned what matters most, I learned that life can be hard, but at the end of the day, you just have to trust that The Lord has it all figured out.  I learned that I took so many things for granted that I will never again take for granted.  I learned that there is so much more to life, than the luxury items, life is precious and if you don't live every day trying to be happy, then your life will never be right.  God has never given up on me, even when I wanted to give up on him.  I heard him all a long saying "Sierra, you got this, just keep going!"  and I did.  

Its almost been a year since I got home.  And I'm far from perfect, but my life NOW is so much better than it would've ever been had I stayed here two years ago and figured it out on my own.  I'm glad I went to Texas, I glad I learned to let go of the things I didn't need.  I'm glad I'm stronger, I'm a better person now and I will never ever forget 2013 for as long as I live.

God is good people, all the time, he is good and ALL the time he is there for us.  Trust me, I know it!

No comments: