First of all, thanks Jen for keeping my head up, you are so right, you truly don't know how someone feels until you go through it and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
I am still struggling a bit today, I think I cried more tears last night than I have ever cried in my whole life. Its just so weird to be in this situation, you see and hear about it everyday but you never imagine going through it. I never thought my baby would have an NG tube, I never thought that she would be hooked up to all those monitors, I never thought I wouldn't get to hold her when I wanted and I never thought I would be told what to do and not to do. This seriously is the hardest thing ever and I have to keep telling myself that everything will be okay, because it will. She is strong, she is a fighter and she is my little girl and I have got to do what is best for her. I realize that staying here in the hospital is what she needs even with as hard as it will be, I have to do it. And I have to stay strong for her, I have to be brave and I have to let her get better, its the only right thing. And as hard as it will be, in the end, I will have no regrets. I also have so much support behind me, I have a loving Husband who is just as worried as me, but continues to be my rock and support and shoulder to cry on, he lets me cry when I need to and tells me its okay, because it is. I have a Mom who has strength like I wouldn't believe and I admire it, she keeps me going and tells me its going to be okay, because it will be. I have a sister who cares and went through this whole experience with me, she continues to lift me up when I fall. And most importantly I have two amazing little boys waiting for me to get better and to keep me going everyday. And I have a little girl that needs me to be strong and fight with her, not just for her. She is my inspiration to stay calm and not breakdown or cry 24/7.
All I can say is....I know I will make it, ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
P.S. Lexi is back on Oxogen, but she is doing good with feedings, we are up to 19cc and she looks wonderful. I am going home tomorrow, but will be up here every 3 hours for her feedings during the day from 8am in the morning until 8pm at night, its going to be rough, but I can do it.
3 comments:
Oh I am sorry you have to go through this I cannot imagine leaving the hospital without my baby! But she will be fine and I am glad you have so many people to help you!
You can do it. Just tell yourself get through the next 10 minutes, then the hour, then the day. That is what I tell myself when it all feels like to much. Somehow it seems easier when you think of it that way. But boy is she beautiful, look at that sweet face. Soon enough, and she will be home safe and sound in your arms. You are doing great, what a wonderful mother you are. I so admire that about you, you are all about your kids and I love that!
You can do it, you already are, look at all you are doing for her already. I know at times I felt so helpless but you are right that is exactly what she needs right now is just time to grow and get stronger and she will. One day at a time is a great way to look at it, it's hard to see the small differences daily but soon you will look back and see just how far she has come. What a sweetheart I just love the pictures of her, she is so precious, a perfect little girl.
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