How do you prepare for this??

How do you prepare for the worse thing ever?

I don't know how I am able to function or go on with my day, but I have too. We went for Bob's follow up appt today where we sat down with the cardiologist and basically were told what the future had to hold. But what I hadn't prepared myself for or even thought of was the words that came out of his mouth. My Husband needs a heart transplant, basically is heart is very very sick and its giving up. When it will give up, we don't know. When will he get a new heart, we have no clue. Right now the plan is to have a CT scan on Wednesday, then next Tuesday he will have a Transesophageal Echocardiogram (he will have to swallow a camera to sit behind his heart to see what is going on). Then we meet back up with the cardiologist and see what the plan is from there. They can't fix the hole in his heart, because it would kill him. So after some more test he would be placed on the transplant list. He could get a heart in days, months or years, there is no way of knowing. During this time, I could lose my Husband. Its a day by day thing and I don't know what tomorrow brings. Its so weird, because he says he feels fine, he looks fine, but he isn't and its hard to think about it.

I just don't know how to prepare myself or my kids for the worse, can you? I don't know how to tell them that Daddy has a sick heart or that he might not make it tomorrow or that he might now be here to watch them play basketball or football. I don't know how to not think about it without wanting to cry or breakdown or scream and yell. My kids don't deserve this, just like no kid does. I don't think I deserve this, I have made mistakes in my life, but nothing bad enough to go through this, nothing worse than the average person. The good thing is that I have a wonderful family and friends standing by myself to help me through this. I know I can do it, I know that we will get through this, we have to, even if I have to yell and scream and throw a fit, I will. I also have three wonderful kids that need me. Thanks again for all the prayers! I know there is no doubt that they are working!