I've cried many tears wondering where I went wrong, what things I could've done to make Jaxon's life a little easier. He has been through so much in his 9 years of life. I have watched him grow up immensely in the last 9 months. He went from having Grandma and Grandpa every morning and when he got home from school to being the one who gets him and his brother out the door in the morning. I give all the credit to my two boys who have done this all with very little problems and minor problems at that.
We've been struggling with Jaxon this school year. I've had many sleepless nights worrying about what to do for him. I hate seeing my kids struggle and the fact that Jaxon didn't want to go to school every day broke my heart. I've also seen how much this move has affected him when I thought it really didn't. He is a lot more aware of what is going on than I thought. He asks a lot of questions...Are we going to be here forever? Will we go home to Utah again? Why are we here? Can Grandma and Grandpa move back? And many more questions. I wish I could honestly answer them all, but the truth is, that I can't. I sometimes wonder myself why we are here. The last year is such a blur, what was I thinking when I decided to move here? Did I not see the big picture?
My heart breaks watching Jaxon talk about Utah. He knows that that is where we belong, but he just can't say it. He is having a hard time adjusting to being here and so am I.
One day will have this figured out, but the one thing I can promise is that I haven't given up and that my love for you will never ever go away Jaxon.
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