Sickness

YES, its out luck! Lexi is sick, it started Saturday and I really thought maybe it was all related to teething, because she is cutting more teeth right now. Well Sunday she woke up having a hard time breathing, she had two blue incidents and I freaked. I wasn't sure what I should do, I was thinking it was mostly heart related, she was short of breath, having a really hard time breathing and couldn't quit coughing when she would move around. Well I went to my friends baby shower and took her with me, because after that I had plans to go to the doctor. Well she started getting worse there, so I left early and headed to McKay Dee's ER. It was a nightmare, I think everyone and their dog was there. The security guy was rude and didn't even ask me what was wrong, but all I knew is that Lexi needed to be seen and it needed to be done immediatley. After waiting for 10 mins with no one saying anything and them not even seeing who was worse than who, I left and headed to Ogden Clinic up the road with my Sister Miranda. We didn't think anything of it, I just knew she needed to be check and so did she. Well they denied us because Lexi is a heart baby and the doctor didn't think he could handle her I guess. I broke down not sure what to do, then finally her pediatrician called Miranda, they use to work together in Magna, so its nice! He said he would call the ER and make sure that she got back immediately, when we showed up the security guard was still a butthead and I wanted to punch him, but I didn't. We waited 5 minutes to finally be taken back and have her checked. THe doctor that night knows Lexi's pediatrician and had just talked to him, so I felt pretty good about the whole situation. It was weird, because all day she hadn't acted right and all the of sudden she got some energy from somewhere and was happy and smiling. Well it turns out she has RSV and its been a horrible 3 days. We got home from the ER a little before midnight and a breathing machine was dropped at my house at midnight. I haven't slept much, I have been so worried about her. They didn't hospitalize her because she was able to keep her sats up, but yesterday was probably the worse, I couldn't get her to eat and she had a really bad temp, she is just plain miserable. And of course tomorrow we go to the cardiologist. I am hoping for the best, but have myself prepared for the worse.

Our Crazy Week

Lexi learned to climb stairs, notice she didn't make it very far.





This little rug rat decided after he got a haircut to give himself another haircut, so guess what, he has no hair for the first time ever and Ashton has always had really thick curly hair, so I am scared to see how it turns out.



We added a new addition to our family, she is a Schnorgy, she is adorable, weighs less than 3 lbs and really has stole our hearts. It was a hard decision to get a puppy, but my boys need a friend and with everything that is coming up we thought this may be good for them.





Bob got a new toy and well this is what happened. He is going to cut the whole tree down, but just gave it a try right now. I can't wait until its gone, its such a huge mess in our yard all the time with the pine cones and needles from it.

Feeling optimistic and a new blog

Its been a week! I hate being stressed and I hate even more being depressed. When I get depressed I tend to have emotions about everything. Everything comes out of me and I have so many frustrations. On Tuesday shortly after I wrote my last post I contacted a heart Mom who is very experienced in the heart world. She is so sweet, she talked to me for a long time on Monday night, it sure was a relief to finally be able to talk with someone who knows how I feel and not think that I am completely insane. I am new to this whole thing, I am not sure what is bad and was isn't and I am not really all that educated on Lexi's heart condition. I just don't know, I think somewhere between Ogden Regional and Primary Childrens, things fell out and I was left out of the loop. I've been frustrated lately because all the questions I have are being answered by Lexi's pediatrician because when I went to Primarys, I didn't think things were bad, I thought it was something that would heal on its own and all would be good. Well I was wrong and I guess I learned a lesson. So I have my list of questions for the cardiologist and I plan on making my next visit and very long and educated one. Yesterday I called her cardiologist to find out what I should do about all my concerns, they didn't call back and so I called again today and was a little frustrated. I let this lady know all my frustrations and that I am worried, and I am still waiting for a phone call back. So we will see what happens, I realize her appt is less than 2 weeks away, but what if 2 weeks is too long, I just don't know.

A new blog, I have decided to make Lexi her own blog, I see all the heart Mom's have their own for their heart babies and I would like to focus more on all of my family on this blog which will be linked to Lexi's blog. So if you would like to connect to Lexi's blog, the link is http://alexiasjourney.blogspot.com/. That way I can update all my family, friends and other fellow heart Mom's on the progress and life of my little girl.

I questioned myself all day Monday and Tuesday on why God would give me a baby with special needs, but I think I found my answer. Lexi is truly a blessing, everything about her is. She makes me smile everyday, she is a happy baby, never cries, she loves her Mommy and I truly believe God knew what he was doing when he gave her to me. I feel lucky to tell the truth and although we may have a tough road ahead of us, I will learn so much and be thankful for this sweet and loving little baby girl.

Thanks to everyone for all the support, people have no clue how blessed I feel to have so many people who care and continue to watch out for us or pray for us. This is hard, I won't lie and any Mom who has went through this trial knows. I also feel good about it, I have made new friendships. Thanks Shauntelle for reassuring that miracles do happen, your little girl is a true miracle and I feel so honored to be able to talk and communicate with you.

Another doctor appt

Today we had another doctor appt and I am kind of a little worried about somethings, but lets start with the good.

Lexi is gaining weight, which is awesome. She looks good and is doing thing every 9 month baby should and a little more. Her doctor said she looks perfect on the outside. Well she is perfect in my eyes and will always be. She weights 18lbs 2oz, still not quite to 20lbs. She is finally on the charts for height, meaning before she was off of them she was so tall. And she still has a very teeny head.

So now with the worrying and I am told this is all normal for me to worry about, so I can worry away. Lexi's isn't getting any better and so now she basically has CHD (Congenital Heart Disease). Not that this wasn't what they were thinking before, but normally they give until 9 months for everything to heal. At 9 months things start to take a turn for the worse, meaning that she will start showing signs that she does have a heart disease. Hearing this makes me cringe, nothing more hurts than to think that I may have to go through exactly what I went through with Bob. My heart aches for my little princess. Has anyone else ever wished it was them instead of their child, because that is exactly how I am feeling? I want everything to be fine and to not have to worry. But everything that she does or anything that goes wrong, I automatically relate it to her having a heart problem. Like her sleeping more than she is awake, my boys NEVER did that. Or her eating habits or her running out of energy when she is playing or anything that might seem not right. The other thing that has me worried is that her pediatrician seems more concerned then her cardiologist. So now its time for questioning, do I switch her cardiologist to one who has been around awhile seems to know everything about it all or do I give this guy who is still going to school a chance? Do I sit back and wait for them to do something or press on for something to happen? I don't know what to do, I have never been in this situation. Bobs condition was so bad that we pretty much had no say in what was going to happen. The other thing is that Lexi can't talk and if she could, what would she want? I think she would want me to fight until its taken care of, I think she would everything to be done now so that she can live a normal life and so that she can't remember much of it. So how do I go about this is the question? Lexi is not getting better and she isn't too much worse, but she is worse. Its obviously not going to heal on its own. The cardiologists will wait until it becomes so bad that they have no choice but to fix it and I don't want that. So the appt on March 3rd that we thought would be a heart cath is actually going to be a sedated echo instead. I am hoping with some small miracle that the cardiologist will be on the same page with me and just want to fix her little heart and put me and my family at peace. I worry about every little thing, I am so tired of losing sleep over this, worrying about if it will be worse tomorrow or if things don't work out, I am just so tired of it. I am trying to find the strength to stay positive and focus on today, but I keep worrying about what could happen.

So if anyone cares to share the opinions on what I should do, please do, I am willing to listen to anyones advice, this is the hardest thing ever.

9 Months and oh so grown up....

Its hard to believe this little girl is 9 months. She is growing oh so fast and I hate it!

Some things about her this month:

* She now has 4 teeth, YES, thats right, one after another just keep popping through.
* She can crawl really good now and gets into everything.
* She loves her toys and her brothers toys.
* She loves food all of a sudden, everything in sight she wants to eat. She eats everything except baby food.
* She loves to giggle at her brothers.
* She is always smiling
* She can pull herself up onto her knees.
* She can drink from a sippy cup now.
* She isn't too sure of juice, but she loves water.
* She likes electronics.
* She loves her naptime.
* She is still on a stricked schedule, up at 6am to eat, then down for a morning nap at 8:30am, sleeps until 10am and then up until lunch is over and another nap at Noon and then sleep until 3pm, then up to play and eat dinner and bed at 7pm.
* She can say Da Da, Ma Ma, Na na.
* She waves Bye-bye.

She seriously amazes me everyday. She is so different from my boys and I love it. Everyone thinks the world of her in this family. She has all of us wrapped around her fingers. This next month is probably going to be a big trial of all of our lives. We know that with the help from the Man above we will be fine and with all the prayers that we have she will she fine. Thanks Lexi for choosing me to be your Mom, I love you so much girlie!!!!

A reason to smile....

Just had to post this cute picture of my kiddos. Ashtons shirt is not stained its water from getting his hair done. This was right before we headed to Bronsons Baptism last Saturday.

My Aunt

My Dads sister came to town two weeks ago. We haven't seen her in 11 years, so it was a good and much needed visit.

Our Week

This week has been a little bit calmer than last week. Monday I found out Bob is going to be gone or could possibly be gone when Lexi goes in for her heart. I was devastated, I can't believe that a business trip is more important than heart surgery. Its not Bobs fault at all, he has tried getting out of it altogether and still is, but I was sooooo frustrated that I broke down and cried. I can't imagine going through this again all by myself.
Tuesday, was Jaxons PTC at school and well, lets just say that it didn't go good and leave it at that.
Wednesday I stayed home from work because I was sick, I made myself sick over the whole Bob being gone thing and Jaxons PTC. I cried that entire night and well I woke up with an exploding headache. So I had a "feel sorry for myself day". It didn't last long, I promise.
Nothing too interesting happened the rest of the week. On my day off though, I enjoyed taking the below pictures of my kiddos. Not the first 3, but the rest. My kids are growing too fast and I hate it. So enjoy!!!





Just my cute kiddos!!!





I swore the day would never come that Lexi would crawl, she has been doing the army crawl for quite some time and still does, but she is finally crawling like a real princess crawls.





This little girl gets into EVERYTHING. She is always pulling stuff out of places or tearing up paper or something. The other day Bob was in the kitchen cooking and Lexi had gotten into the drawer. She really does get where she needs to go with no problem.




Ashtons face was healing good until he decided to try a trick on the stool and took another face plant. He is good at this. I keep telling him I am going to put him in a bubble.

Winter Blues

Does anyone else have the winter blues? Because I do! I am tired of the cold, the snow, the nasty air and being ornery. I love when my kids can go outside and run around for hours and come in tired, I love the smell of spring, the green grass and leaves on the trees. I just LOVE Spring and Summer. And maybe I feeling antsy for Summer to get here because my Summer was washed away last year, I don't know. I just know that I really really badly have the Winter blues and need the sun to poke out more. I am hoping that February goes by as fast as January did. Then March is going to be a busy month and then its April.

So I have a funny story...

Last Thursday we are sitting at the dinner table and Jaxon says "Mom I had breakfast at school today." So I am thinking to myself, "I know your Grandma feeds you breakfast, why are you eating at school." Then he says "It was really good!" So I say "Jaxon, didn't Grandma feed you." He says, "Yes, but I was still hungary!" Okay, so I call my MOm and ask what time she dropped Jax at school, first bell rings at 8:45 and school starts at 8:50, she dropped him off at 8:40. So he had 10 minutes to eat breakfast at school. So I get off the phone after confirming he did eat breakfast and not only a bowl of cereal, but also a pop tart. I then ask him "Jaxon, what did you eat at school?" Thinking maybe he mistaked his snack for breakfast. He says "A muffin and chocolate milk!" So I ask him if he paid, he says "No, I just signed my name on this paper Mom." So I tell him that yes he signed the paper so that I could get a bill saying I owed money for his breakfast. He says "So I guess I am getting a bill and need to find a job?" Yes Jaxon you do.....hahahahahahahahaha!!!! Too funny! Today I received an email form the school that Jaxon owes $1.10 for his lovely breakfast that he thought he needed. No I do NOT starve my kid, he just thinks he is hungary 24/7, I think its a growth spert, because he will eat like crazy and then won't. Got to love this kid!