Trying to find the courage to stay strong...

Well todays appt didn't go as expected and I have bawled and bawled and bawled and bawled and my eyes are so red that I can barely see. There is nothing that hurts worse than being told that your daugher isn't better first of all and then that there is nothing they can do right now. Lexis official diagnosis is pulmonary stenosis (The pulmonary valve opens to let blood flow from the right ventricle to the lungs. Narrowing of the pulmonary valve (valvar pulmonary stenosis) causes the right ventricle to pump harder to get blood past the blockage.)and well its not good news. And basically its a waiting game to see what will be done, there is a small miracle it could fix itself, but most of the time people go into heart failure (like Bob did) and have to have it fixed. Could be years, could be months, never know. All I know is that I am ONE BIG emotional wreck right now. Of course it doesn't help that I just went through this with my Husband, it doesn't help that my mind is fresh from everything we went through in the last 6 months. It doesn't help that I have hundreds of thousands of medical bills lingering over my head and everyone wants something. Its frustrating, hard, sad and everything else that goes along with it. So if I could set my emotions aside and all the images in my head, then I could probably grip this nightmare and hope for the best, but prepare for the worse. But I can't, its hard and anyone that has been through something like this knows. Its so easy to say, "don't worry about it" or "everything will work out in the end". But how do I get there, how do I get past everything else. I just want my sweet baby girl to be better. I just want good news, is that asking too much?

So thats my bad news, the good news...Well she is doing awesome in everything else, she is gaining weight, she is so tall that she is off the charts. She is eating good, looks good and I love her to pieces. So once again, I am asking, if you could spare a few prayers, please send them our way, we could really use them right now for strength and courage to get through this.

Lexi weighs 16lbs 6oz, this is the most weight she has gained in 2 months. She is in the 70% percentile on weight, off the charts on height and 25% percentile in the head area. Tiny head, but a very cute girl.

6 months already

Its crazy how fast these last 6 months have gone by, where have they gone too? I can't imagine life before Lexi, I am so blessed to have her in my life, she is everything I dreamed of and so much more.

Her accomplishments this month:

*She can hold her bottle (I can't believe, I looked up to see when my boys held theirs and they were like 9-10 months. Crazy!!!)
*She rolls everywhere, if she wants to get to something...SHE WILL!!!
*She says Dada and Mama, of course she did say Dada first, but o'well.
*She almost has the sitting thing down...ALMOST, but not quite yet.

Her Favorites:

*Chewing on everything, everything goes in the mouth to be gummed to death.
*She loves her food way more than a bottle, but if she is cranky you can forget about food, she wants her thumb or a bottle.
*Her Daddy, he runs every time she makes a peep, its funny, I never thought this would be this way, but it is. If she wants Daddys attention she just needs to sqauk (SP?) and he is there.
* She loves her carrots still and sweet potatoes, anything with oatmeal or granola (baby food granola), squash and apples and all her fruits pretty much.
*She still loves her dolly and she even looked at Daddy and he bought her a $6.00 Dora that is small (I told she has him wrapped around her finger).
*She loves taking a showere with Mommy even though she holds her breath.
*She likes her new exersaucer.
*she loves to giggle and is always smiling, she is a smiley girl.

Her not so favorites:

*She absolutely hates a wet or dirty diaper, but who doesn't?
*She hates green beans, peas and anything green, its weird, its like she knows its green.
*She doesn't like to left a lone, she has to see someone.


She is a total girly girl, but I am okay with that. She is so much fun and I love the stage she is at right now. I love dressing her up, buying her clothes and everything. My boys still think the world of her and are more and more protective every day.

PS: I will post stats on Monday after her doctors appt, which I am praying brings good news about her heart.

Living in the moment

These pictures bring tears to my eyes, tears of joy that is, tears of thankfulness and tears of happiness. Almost 4 months ago, I never thought I would see my Husband running around with our kids again, I never thought he would be able to go on a walk with us again and we didn't know whether he was going to live or not. Amazing, truly amazing! Today, he is healthy, happy, stronger then ever and free of pain. Its crazy to look at him today and look at him 4 months ago and see the difference. On Sunday, we went to the park, Bob chased the kids around FOREVER, they played, he play and they all loved it and SO DID I. I got tears in my eyes watching it, but they were good tears. Its amazing how the little things can bring tears to your eyes. But I am so thankful for this moment and for today.

Happy Halloween

I think we had the BEST Halloween ever! We had a party at our house with two of our neighbors and my family! Its so great to have such amazing neighbors. We had 3 different kinds of soup, pumpkin rolls, chips & salsa, Coconut cream cake, Hot cider, breadsticks and of course CANDY! We jammed out to Michael Jackson (since we just seen his movie, absolutely AMAZING, he may have been a creep, but the guy could sing and dance and definately an amazing performer). We also watched some baseball and hung out. My kids weren't too into trick or treating, they were done after 30 mins, which is fine with me, I hate them having candy, but we have plenty to last us quite some time. Hope everyone else had a Happy Halloween!!!

Ashton can ride his bike with no training wheels

This kid is completely different from Jaxon. He is a BIG go getter, he will try and try and try and try and NEVER give up until he has it. He taught himself to ride his bike with no training wheels. Jax just learned to ride his bike with no training wheels. Ash has been riding his for about two weeks with no training wheels. He is so proud of himself. Unfortunately this is the only picture I have, because my other pics somehow didn't make it to the laptop before being deleted (OOPS, I hate that!!!). Don't worry I will get more.

Yup, I am raising a MONKEY!!!

Yes, I swear he is party monkey! I am always saying, "Jaxon quit climbing that!" or "Jaxon, please don't flip down the stairs!" This isn't even that bad, I was fine with it and he wanted his picture taken.

Jaxon is amazing me, he is reading now and I am SOOOOOOOOOO proud of him. He loves school and is trying his hardest to stay out of trouble. Love ya Jax!

Lexi new toy

We finally got Lexi an exersaucer, my boys both had one and I had to get it for Lex. She isn't too sure of it yet. But don't worry in no time it will be her new favorite thing.