Everything always works out...

I have been stressed to the MAX since Monday night. I have probably cried more tears this week then I have cried since July of last year. I have been worried sick and lost many hours of sleep once again. I have stared at my kids while they sleep for long periods of time. I have waited and waited and waited and waited for my phone to ring and well it did with the person I was expecting at 5:30 last night (I know I am sorry I waited so long).

So, everything is going to be fine!! Ashton does have fluid on his optic nerve and he does have something wrong in his aorta valve of his heart, BUT for right now its not too concerning. They think the fluid is normal and the heart problem will heal on its own (and I am fine with that). So the plan is to get Ashtons eyes check, watch him to make sure he doesn't get worse and do a follow up MRI/Echo in 6 months.

Can I tell EVERYONE how RELIEVED I am......???? So relieved that I screamed and REALLY I DID!!!

I also told Bob that after Lexi gets her tubes on the 19th, I won't be seeing a specialist for a LONG time until his follow up Echo which is routine in July. I am so TIRED of seeing specialist after specialist after specialist. I am ready to spend my money on a VACATION.

The waiting game...

Can I say how much I HATE THE WAITING GAME.....A LOT!!!!!

I don't know everything about the results, I do know stuff was found both on his MRI and Echo. I don't know all the details yet, I am hoping soon I will know.

Ashtons Day

Ashton and his nurse making his buddy a face.




Ashton still happy and helping with the buddy.




Ashton putting the fishies in his fish bowl.




Ashtons new outfit....like it?




Ashton on the way home. Jaxon is such a good big brother, he is so protective over his little brother.

Well today started out good, we arrived at Mckay at 7:30 on the dot this morning. The girls that were there were awesome. They weighed Ashton and he weighs a whopping 41 lbs and was 44 and half inches tall. We then were introduced to Ashton's buddy that would be with him forever. Ashton and the nurse drew a face on him and gave him hair and toes. They then named him "Mr Hospital Man", I know original right! After that we talked with Ashton about what was going to happen. They decided to wait on the IV until after the echo and put in a movie for him on a little dvd thing and he watched Wonder Pets. Ashton did so good during the echo, he was quiet and held still the entire time. After that they put in his IV, I thought for sure this would be a nightmare, but Ashton did great, he didn't cry and he held still again. After that we made our way down stairs to the MRI area. This is where the fun began....NOT!!! Ashton was given a medication to help him relax and that it did. After that the sedation medication was given, but it didn't work, so another was given and still didn't work, so another. After 3 he was finally asleep, well atleast we thought. We took him over the big machine and I got to go in with him. He did great for the first 20 mins and then all of sudden he wakes up thrashing things everywhere, pulled of his oxygen, almost pulled out his IV and was just hysterical. It took 5 of us to get him calmed down and they had to page the attending Physician who happens to be Ashtons original pediatrician. They gave him medicine to calm him, but it didn't work. He cried, screamed, kicked and everything for an entire hour and finally calmed down. What happened is Ashton had a reaction to the medication and it did opposite of what it does to most people. He is doing better now, still really out of it and not walking good at all. We don't know the results yet, I know the ECHO ended up being okay, but the cardiologist hadn't reviewed it and will give us the final word. I have NO CLUE on the MRI. I hate the waiting game, it sucks! The nurses up there were amazing and I never did get to tell them thank you, they were soooooooo good with Ashton, they kept him calm and loved on him just like a Mom does, they sang him songs, read him books and brought him treats.

NOTE TO SELF....

DO NOT do a diet / lifestyle change when your life is a wreck!!! Do NOT attempt to eat 500 calories a day when you forget to take the drops, not a good thing. Do NOT TRY the HCG diet again without being prepared emotionally and physically.

Sincerly,

youself!!!

Its true! I am giving up for now. I loved it because I did lose 12.4 lbs, but I CANNOT go another day of starving myself, eating chicken, salad and bland tasting foods. I cannot go another day of being moody on top of an emotional wreck. I need to prepare myself next time and do it when I don't have 50 million things going on. I am disappointed with myself, but don't worry, I have learned a lot. So tonite, to make myself feel better, I ate a bowl of ice cream and I am not regretting it. My emotions are out of whack, I have so many things on my mind and I wish they would all go away. I am so tired of giving up things that I have worked so hard for.

One day I won't be a wreck, one day I will be able to do what I want to do, one day I will look the way I want to, one day I will be NOTHING but smiles, but for now I will concentrate on what I need too and cry when I want too.

Please pray for my Ashton tomorrow, this is sooooo HARD to go through again and even though I have tried to stay strong and not cry about it, I am worried sick and have done NOTHING but cry tonite. I CAN'T wait until tomorrow is OVER!!!

Pigs and more...

I love these two boys, they are soooo good to me. They love their Mommy and they show it everyday. I hate that their growing up so fast though.




This little girl is giving me a run for my money. Just to name a few things she does on a daily basis. She stands up in her high chair at breakfast, lunch and dinner. She throws her food on the floor. She gets into EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING. She throws fits. She says "mmm mmmm" (basically no!) to everything I say. She takes her clothes off including her shoes. She hates the car now and screams the entire time were in it. She has to be the center of attention. If her brothers are outside she will yell until someone puts her out. She squints her eyes when you tell her no. And if she is done eating and you are feeding her, she will take the last bite, but spit it out.

She is full of it! I don't remember my boys being this way and although I wouldn't trade a minute of everything she is doing, I wonder at the same time when her horns came out. She can still be a sweetheart, but she DOES NOT like to be cuddled. Where oh where did my little princess go?




Lexi officially can have pigs in the back, they are adorable.

And can I tell everyone how BABY Hungry I am. I am so jealous of everyone that has little babies, not that I don't think they deserve them, just that I would love to have a little one right now. And it breaks my heart, because I know I can't have more and watching Lexi grow up is so hard. I cried yesterday because I miss having this little girl or baby that totally relies on me for everything. I miss cuddling, I miss feedings, I miss waking up at 2am to feed. I miss it all and I hate that I will never get to hear the first cry of a baby of mine ever again. I just miss it!

Learning to fly without wings....

I thought for sure my life was calming down after getting Lexi's nightmare over, but I thought wrong. Life is full of challenges and I for sure know that. And so it is crazy again...

First, Lexi has had 4 ear infections this year. It has been one after another after another, so the last doctor referred us to an ENT. I met with the ENT last week and he decided Lexi needed tubes, she completely failed her hearing test in her left ear and almost failed in her right ear. He said there was a lot of fluid behind her ear drum. I felt sick after leaving the doctors office and ended up talking with her pediatrician at Ashtons (my next issue)visit to see him. He advised that it wasn't a good idea to put Lexi under a second time in less then a month with all she has been through. I sat on it, prayed about it and slept on it and then cancelled it the next day. He also wanted to wait a couple of months since were just getting out of winter to see what happens, so that we will do.

Next, Ashton, my little peanut, okay big peanut has been having headaches since September. Last week, they took a turn for the worse, he started the vomiting and the losing his eye sight with them. I was sick once again about this and arranged for him to see the same doctor he seen last time I took him in for them which is Lexi's pediatrician. I have been keeping a journal of his headaches and they are about 2-3 a week and sometimes he will go without one at all, but the most he has gone without one is 5 days. Last time we went we thought for sure they were just childhood migraines, this time we think not. When the Dr was examining Ashton, it was found that Ashton has a heart murmur, just the words I want to hear....NOT. A heart murmur can mean anything and this is why we are going forward with doing an echo, not just a regular echo, but a sedated echo and on top of that a sedated MRI. We want to make sure we have all our t's crossed and i's dotted and so the plan is to do this all at once on Tuesday the 27th of April. I am nervous, heart disease is VERY genetic and it makes me sick to see that I have to go through this with Ashton now. I thought I was done, but I am weighing on positive thoughts and prayers, because they work. I am handling things a little better, because I believe in miracles and technology is so great nowadays. Its just hard to think that you have gone through this whole testing thing twice and now going for a third time. So I will update once I know more information and I am praying that nothing bad is found, but something that may be an easy fix to get rid of these nightmare of headaches.

Skate Park

Jaxon has been doing wonderful in school, so the deal was he would get a bike if completed all his work and didn't get any trouble. Well I held my promise and bought him his brand new bike on Friday. The kid has rode the bike non-stop. Everytime we go to Walmart drive by this skate park, you see I have a fear of places like that, because some people are idiots. So I figured today would be okay to go and we went and there wasn't a single other person there. Jaxon and Ashton rode their bikes around for a good hour on the dirt hills. It was tons of fun and we will definately go back.

Something for myself

I wasn't going to come out about this, but then people may start to wonder, so I am going too, plus I am not ashamed of it. I officially started the HCG diet on Friday. I was really nervous about it at first, but I read up on it for a month straight and I feel pretty good about it. I have tried everything to lose weight and for some reason it isn't going to happen any other way. Weight is something I struggle with big time, I hate the way I look and would do anything to be the size I was in High School. So I am excited for my new adventure! I feel good and today is day 2. The diet works kind of weird, day 1 is normal eating and then days 2 & 3 are gorging. Then on day 4-40 its a 500 calorie diet. Some people drop their jaw when they hear 500 calories, but the HCG is to supress your apetite, so its not too bad. Also you take A LOT of vitamins to help with energy and everything else. So wish me luck!! I will be doing it 2 times after this and am hoping to lose 75lbs. I can't wait!! So FAR, I am DOWN 2lbs after only a day!!!

11 months

Its hard to believe that a month from tomorrow Lexi will be 1. If I could freeze time, I would freeze it to right now. She is at a fun age. I love how active she is and funny she is. She has a such a girly personality!

Some things about Lexi at 11 months:

*She took her first steps on April 5th all by herself
*She can stand up on her own
*She says "UH OH"
*When she doesn't want anymore food, she will take it and then spit it out all over the place
*She is a HUGE Mama's girl and I am fine with that
*She loves food and will eat anything
*She loves her bottle still and I am afraid its going to be tough to break her from it
*She has 6 teeth, 4 on top and 2 on bottom
*She loves to dance, I will get it on video one day
*She loves to play with her brothers toys
*She is super sensitive
*She gets into everything, unfolds my laundry, takes things out of drawers, always wants the remotes or phones and loves to make a mess
*She will throw things on the floor to see if someone will pick it up
*She loves bathtime now, atleast since I bought the toys for the tub
*She loves her baby dolls
*She hates the car now
*We discovered she loves sand and even the taste of it


So now its time to plan her party, right now we are thinking a cupcake party with a huge cupcake and then little cupcakes and probably at our house or a park. I can't believe how fast time has flown by, I swear just yesterday I was bringing her home. This little girl has grown up so fast, so I say HUG your kids a little tighter tonite, because tomorrow they will be teenagers.

Enjoying Spring...

Today was absolutely beautiful, so we took advantage of it and drove out to Antelope Island. We grilled hot dogs and played. We played in the sand, on the rocks and went for a little drive where we seen lots of Antelope. We had tons of fun and I love that summer is almost here.

SN: Lexi ate sand and Bob got crapped on by a stupid seagull.

I'm cool like that, I'm cool like that

This little girl is so funny, but boy does she have an attitude!! LOVE HER!!!!

My friend

Not sure how to title this or how to even begin this, but I have to. I have been friends with Lindsey since I was 2 and she was 3. We have known each other pretty much our whole lives. We met in California when my Mom was climbing the tree when she was pregnant and her Mom asked my Mom what she was doing. We started Kindergarten together, then she moved to Utah and we followed shortly after that. We went to elementary together and right before Junior High she moved to Arizona. We still kept in touch and in 2005, she moved here with her family. We don't always talk on a daily basis, but when we do we always pick right back up from where we left off. She is always there for me when I need her and visa versa. She just had a cute little boy named Kasen almost a month ago. Well yesterday she found out she has thyroid cancer. While this all seems like one big nightmare, its something that I know she will get through. Its hard, not only finding the words to say to her, but watching her so upset and everything else. I know the power of prayer works and Lindsey could use all the prayers right now to get through this. It may not be life threatening, but cancer is scary period. So if you could pray for strength and for her to get through this, I would greatly appreciate it! Also pray for her family who is right beside her as she goes through this trial of life.

I remember how hard it was for me when we were told Bob might die, but one thing Lindsey has always told me is that everything is going to be fine and well she was right. So now its my turn!!!

Easter Weekend

We started our spring break and Easter weekend with some fun at Toads Fun Center in Ogden. The kids had a blast and I thought it was perfect. They played Laser Tag 6 times, minature golf and arcade games all unlimited for $20.00 each for 3 hours.

After that Ashton and I made a trip to the ER. Ashton had woke up and around 11am had thrown up. He had no other syptoms or anything, so Bob was convinced that he ate something bad. I really didn't know. When we got home he brought me a tube of orajel and told me he ate it and that its what made him sick. I thought nothing of it at first and even went places until we got back home and Ashton wasn't doing good. He didn't want to eat (which is not like him at all), he said his tummy hurt really bad and he was very tired. He passed out on the floor and I began to worry. I then picked up the tube of orajel, still thinking nothing of it and read it. On the back it said "If you overdose, call poison control IMMEDIATELY". So I called and talked to a really nice lady, who explained to me that it wasn't good. She said "I need you to grab your son and put him in the car and drive to the closest ER." And then she asked which ER I would be going to so that she could call them. She advised me not to speed or run any red lights and to be calm. How do I be calm? Hello, I thought NOTHING could happen, am I dumb? So I did as told and well I can't say I didn't speed, BUT I didn't run any red lights. We arrived at Mckay Dee, our new home this year, since we couldn't go there with our insurance last year. And they had already been called and took us right back. The doctor explained that it could put him in heart failure or make him stop breathing. I freaked, I hate those two words (heart failure) more than anything in this world. I felt like my world was crashing again. The doctor explained that he thought he would be fine because he wasn't blue in his face or anything, but that he still needed to be watched. So they hooked him to heart monitor for 4 hours and we sat and sat and sat and sat. We were finally released at 10pm after the doctor decided that he probably threw it up and we were VERY LUCKY!!! Once again I feel like someone was watching over my family because things could've been really bad. So, I will NEVER EVER buy Orajel again, I will stick with teething tablets, because those are safe.






Saturday, we dyed Easter eggs.





Jaxon, Ashton and Bob had a contest to see who could break their egg first and well....






It doesn't turn out well when your egg isn't boiled. Bob tricked the boys into it and we laughed!!!










We then did an Easter egg hunt ourselves since it was freezing all day. Lexi's Brothers got eggs for her. And YES my boys are wearing cowboy boots with their shorts, they are weird, but I love them!!!






My kids scored big time with Easter. They got spoiled, it almost felt like Christmas! But they deserved every bit of it. Jaxon's is the blue easter basket stuff, Ashton's is the green and of course Lexi's is the pink. I love having pink in there with those blues and greens.






And here are the Easter outfits. I debated for a long time on what kind of dress to get Lexi. I had it all planned to get her this dress from Bliss and when I went there, they no longer had it. So I just went to Target and got dress that I know she will be able to wear again. I have plans to buy her a princess dress for her first birthday to take her pictures in.

We had a great Easter, I just wish the weather was warmer, but I will survive. Happy Easter to all our Family and Friends. Love you all!!!